Courage to have assisted dying

Dear Editor:

This letter will be difficult to read, it was difficult to write. My first wife and I live in a gated community without a gate. We are in our 80s.

My wife is part of the social club, a bunch of lasses (Ladies) who keep things in the park running smoothly. The social club used to have 10 members, now there are nine. One of the lasses, a single lady has recently passed away. She is a big loss to our community. It was the way that she passed away that prompted me to put pencil to paper.

Although being part of the community, she kept her failing health well hidden from most of the other members, and then when the personal awful final news came to her from her doctor, she got to work almost immediately on planning ahead. There was to be no expensive funeral, just a gathering of family and friends at her home, she had picked out two tunes to be played at the final gathering as she passed away. One of them was Amazing Grace.

The reader should be aware that most of what I am writing is ‘hearsay’... me being a bloke was not privy to inside information, nevertheless, it’s the way she organized everything that has taken me back some.

She arranged for family and close friends to be at her house, along with a doctor and a legal representative.

She had decided to die at a given time of her own choosing, 3 p.m. on a given day. It is/was to be done following strict rules, no deviation at all.

On top of the rules the lady must be proven at the time to be of a sound mind, and she must give the ‘go ahead’ verbally, no nodding or waving, and this at the time without being prompted to act.

The passing took place in her house, family and friends quietly looking on. As I stated earlier, I am in my 80s, with one foot in the box, I know steadfastly that I would not have the courage that this lady had, I am not in the least bit religious in any way, I despair of all religions.

I have told my wife that I don’t want any funeral service, and certainly nobody spouting anything religious. Would I have had the courage to bring my being to an end before I became a burden to family and friends?

I would not.

And before I go, let me say .... my older brother in England (the so-called land for setting the rules for the Commonwealth) tells me that this ‘assisted dying’ is not allowed in the UK.

If he or anyone else wanted to use assisted dying, they would have to go to other European countries as England does not have assisted dying.

To the family and friends of this courageous lady, please forgive me if I have in any way offended you or the memory of this lady.

Don Smithyman Oliver