Met­zger dishes on dream jobs, trolls, and Trump

> BY GUY MACPHER­SON

The Georgia Straight - - Arts -

Co­me­dian Kurt Met­zger pro­vides a good les­son to jour­nal­ists who use Wikipedia for re­search. Don’t. My spidey senses were tin­gling after the sec­ond sen­tence of his en­try, which cred­its him with ap­pear­ing on By­ron Allen’s Comics Unleashed. Met­zger was a reg­u­lar on Louis C.K.’S Pe­abody-win­ning Ho­race and Pete and has writ­ten for the likes of Amy Schumer, Dave At­tell, and Dave Chap­pelle. But the less well-known comic By­ron Allen gets top billing?

“I have no idea what my Wikipedia says now,” Met­zger says on the line from West Hol­ly­wood. “It’s all made-up stuff. That’s all troll stuff.”

For the record, he’s never been on Comics Unleashed.

He’s also writ­ten for var­i­ous awards shows and a Com­edy Cen­tral roast. As far as day jobs go, they’re pretty sweet. But they’re still just day jobs.

“I would rather just be do­ing standup and writ­ing for me, if I could just wave a wand and what­ever,” he says. “It’s just I need the money and there’s writ­ing jobs for me be­cause I’m a good writer, so I al­ways have to take them. But no, I don’t want to be a writer. It’s just a thing I do to make money, you know?”

He laughs at both the ab­sur­dity of diss­ing what would be a dream job for most peo­ple and his out­ra­geous good for­tune.

“It’s weird when I think about it,” he says. “I’ve writ­ten for al­most ev­ery great comic that’s alive right now. There’s very few I haven’t worked for. It wasn’t my dream to write for some­body else, but I’ve got some de­cent things un­der my belt. So I like that, but if I could, I’d just be do­ing standup non­stop. I don’t like go­ing to an of­fice. I don’t like hav­ing hours that I gotta keep. I don’t like any of that stuff.”

Met­zger’s standup will be on full dis­play at the Fox Cabaret this Fri­day (October 6). He’s a guy who has weath­ered his share of off-stage shit­storms, but has never had any prob­lems with his live act. He flirts with cross­ing the line, like talk­ing about Jef­frey Dah­mer or gay mar­riage, but al­ways man­ages to stay on this side of it. But only if you lis­ten care­fully.

“I’ve been con­tro­ver­sial be­cause of my own per­sonal opin­ions or what­ever I said on Face­book that an­noyed some per­son, but no­body’s ever been of­fended by my standup,” he says, re­fer­ring to on­line dus­tups with the Amer­i­can im­prov com­pany UCB Theatre and fem­i­nists. “I shouldn’t have done it in the first place. I thought it was in­ter­est­ing to show my process on my Face­book. I was a fool to do that.”

But some­times he just can’t help him­self. “I’ve got a real prob­lem with group­think and I go out of my way to bash it wher­ever I see it,” he says. “I got a real bug up my ass for that. So that could be why I’ve drawn a lot of my prob­lems. But I don’t re­gret it.”

Es­pe­cially in this po­lit­i­cal cli­mate, he finds it re­fresh­ing to play north of the bor­der. “Even hav­ing a bad au­di­ence in Canada is not any­thing,” he says. “I al­ways love it there be­cause I think the peo­ple’s at­ten­tion spans are bet­ter and I think the peo­ple are less fo­cused on buzz­words. Be­cause that’s what I en­counter in Amer­ica, this halfwit at­ten­tion span where you were just half lis­ten­ing and drunk and go, ‘What did he say?’ If you’re not pay­ing at­ten­tion to what I’m say­ing and you only lis­ten to part of it, then it’s go­ing to sound real of­fen­sive.”

Through com­edy, he sees why Donald J. Trump is in charge. “I hope peo­ple un­der­stand that Trump is the per­fect pres­i­dent for this coun­try. The half-in­formed, cock­sure, thin-skinned fuck­ing im­be­cile—that’s Amer­ica. He’s the avatar of Amer­ica.”

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