Metzger dishes on dream jobs, trolls, and Trump
> BY GUY MACPHERSON
Comedian Kurt Metzger provides a good lesson to journalists who use Wikipedia for research. Don’t. My spidey senses were tingling after the second sentence of his entry, which credits him with appearing on Byron Allen’s Comics Unleashed. Metzger was a regular on Louis C.K.’S Peabody-winning Horace and Pete and has written for the likes of Amy Schumer, Dave Attell, and Dave Chappelle. But the less well-known comic Byron Allen gets top billing?
“I have no idea what my Wikipedia says now,” Metzger says on the line from West Hollywood. “It’s all made-up stuff. That’s all troll stuff.”
For the record, he’s never been on Comics Unleashed.
He’s also written for various awards shows and a Comedy Central roast. As far as day jobs go, they’re pretty sweet. But they’re still just day jobs.
“I would rather just be doing standup and writing for me, if I could just wave a wand and whatever,” he says. “It’s just I need the money and there’s writing jobs for me because I’m a good writer, so I always have to take them. But no, I don’t want to be a writer. It’s just a thing I do to make money, you know?”
He laughs at both the absurdity of dissing what would be a dream job for most people and his outrageous good fortune.
“It’s weird when I think about it,” he says. “I’ve written for almost every great comic that’s alive right now. There’s very few I haven’t worked for. It wasn’t my dream to write for somebody else, but I’ve got some decent things under my belt. So I like that, but if I could, I’d just be doing standup nonstop. I don’t like going to an office. I don’t like having hours that I gotta keep. I don’t like any of that stuff.”
Metzger’s standup will be on full display at the Fox Cabaret this Friday (October 6). He’s a guy who has weathered his share of off-stage shitstorms, but has never had any problems with his live act. He flirts with crossing the line, like talking about Jeffrey Dahmer or gay marriage, but always manages to stay on this side of it. But only if you listen carefully.
“I’ve been controversial because of my own personal opinions or whatever I said on Facebook that annoyed some person, but nobody’s ever been offended by my standup,” he says, referring to online dustups with the American improv company UCB Theatre and feminists. “I shouldn’t have done it in the first place. I thought it was interesting to show my process on my Facebook. I was a fool to do that.”
But sometimes he just can’t help himself. “I’ve got a real problem with groupthink and I go out of my way to bash it wherever I see it,” he says. “I got a real bug up my ass for that. So that could be why I’ve drawn a lot of my problems. But I don’t regret it.”
Especially in this political climate, he finds it refreshing to play north of the border. “Even having a bad audience in Canada is not anything,” he says. “I always love it there because I think the people’s attention spans are better and I think the people are less focused on buzzwords. Because that’s what I encounter in America, this halfwit attention span where you were just half listening and drunk and go, ‘What did he say?’ If you’re not paying attention to what I’m saying and you only listen to part of it, then it’s going to sound real offensive.”
Through comedy, he sees why Donald J. Trump is in charge. “I hope people understand that Trump is the perfect president for this country. The half-informed, cocksure, thin-skinned fucking imbecile—that’s America. He’s the avatar of America.”