Music to make spirits bright
Our annual roundup of the great, the not so great, and the so-so in the latest crop of Christmas LPS
What do a onetime ska-punk princess, a gaggle of southern hillbillies, and a pushing-40 boy band have in common? Well, about as much as the disparate cast of characters on this year’s vault-raiding A Capitol Christmas, but that didn’t stop Gwen Stefani, Alabama, and Hanson from all entering the 2017 holiday-record sweepstakes.
Right about now you’re probably thinking about setting up that $89 Scots pine Christmas tree, complete with vintage baubles that have been in your family since your great-great-grandparents first arrived in Vancouver back in 1887. The last thing you want to do is ruin the mood by jumping in this year’s Christmas-album pool and coming up with something worse than William Hung’s Hung for the Holidays.
Luckily, we’ve got you covered. Below you’ll find a healthy cross-section of some of 2017’s best and worst Yuletide-themed releases, with the best getting a present, the so-so a functional pair of tighty-whiteys, and the worst a sad little Charlie Brown Xmas tree.
No one wants to hear Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas” for the 900th time, so start building that Spotify playlist using the following reviews as a guide. And while no one’s demanding you make sure the artists are in the same wheelhouse, remember that no one wants to hear Gwen Stefani’s fantastically peppy reading of “Jingle Bells” back to back with Alabama’s shitkicking “Christmas in Dixie”.
KRAMPUSNACHT Krampusnacht Christmas: a time of tinsel, presents, and a horrifying half-human, half-goat demon looking to punish badly behaved kids. Krampusnacht takes its inspiration from the titular Krampus, foil to jolly old St. Nick, and transposes well-known festive songs like “God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen” and “Jingle Bells” into creepy variations. Devoid of vocals and filled with instruments of horrifying timbres— the entire album sounds like it’s been composed using preset sounds from a 1990s keyboard—the record perfectly embodies the feel of a terrifying spirit creeping into the rooms of young children in the dead of night. None of that is a criticism, though—the album is strangely compelling, and perfect for scaring off difficult relatives. > KW
GWEN STEFANI You Make It Feel Like Christmas Gwen Stefani hasn’t made many missteps in a career that’s seen her transition from ska-punk darling to dance-pop solo star to fashion titan to network-tv celebrity. As one might expect, given the way everything the American icon touches turns to gold (except her marriage to Gavin Rossdale), You Make It Feel Like Christmas is pretty much perfectly executed, from a big-band reading of “Jingle Bells” to soul-power originals like “Under the Christmas Lights”. Classy as she is, Stefani isn’t above flipping the Christmas bird to the ex who famously took up with the nanny; on “Never Kissed Anyone With Blue Eyes Before”, she sends a love letter to new squeeze Blake Shelton with “This year I’ve got so much to celebrate.” Rather than hating her for being so perfect, try to accept that, for some of us, it truly is a wonderful life. > MU
ELVIS PRESLEY Christmas With Elvis and the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra We’re still a little baffled about how Elvis is still releasing new music—largely because he’s been in a coffin for 40 years—but hey, Elvis isn’t dead, right? Fans of the King might be apprehensive about the appropriation of his performances from 1957’s Elvis’ Christmas Album and 1971’s Elvis Sings the Wonderful World of Christmas, but this record is far from just a cash grab. Like 2015’s Royal Philharmonic–scored If I Can Dream—an album that sold nearly twice as many copies as Kendrick Lamar’s Grammy-nominated Damn—this album blends Elvis’s vocals with artful new arrangements. More than a crooning, classical collection, Christmas With Elvis is often bouncy and energetic, showcasing the King’s flair. > KW
LINDSEY STIRLING Warmer in the Winter This is less a Christmas record than it is a playlist, and while Youtube sensation Lindsey Stirling is a very talented violinist, Warmer in the Winter is too eclectic for its own good. Ever since Mariah Carey struck gold with “All I Want for Christmas”, everyone making a holiday album seems obligated to take a crack at writing their own Phil Spector–style number. “Christmas C’mon” (featuring the chirpy Becky
G on vocals) is a little too obvious to really hit that mark. Moreover, it’s in odd company alongside a straightforward classical reading of “What Child Is This”, a version of “I Saw Three Ships” played as a Celtic reel, and a take on “Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy” with a hiphop snap beat. If you liked what Stirling did with Evanescence’s monumentally mopey “My Immortal” a few years back, you’ll love what she does with “Angels We Have Heard on High”—which is suck all the joy out of it like a kid with a candy cane—but you might hate the 1940s big-bandswing treatment she gives “Jingle Bell Rock”. Or vice versa. > JL
KASKADE Kaskade Christmas Beyond the glut of Christmas remixes dumped on Soundcloud by minimally talented bedroom producers, there’s very little in the way of festive electronic music. Stadium stalwart Kaskade’s decision to release a full-length holiday album, then, is broaching virgin territory. This year has been a period of do-overs for the star, seeing him cast aside his big-room, bro-fist-pumping progressive house for much deeper sounds on the Redux 002 EP. Kaskade Christmas is much the same. Female vocalists are in charge of singing classic holiday tunes, while Kaskade layers relaxed, smooth beats underneath. There are no hyped drops or gimmicky sounds here—only breathy, atmospheric samples, dreamy synths, and genuinely original takes on everything from carols to Christmas pop. > KW
HANSON Finally, It’s Christmas Billed as the long-awaited, 20-year follow-up to Snowed In—an album made when the trio of brothers were still young, cute, and marketable—finally, It’s Christmas proves that older doesn’t necessarily mean wiser. Still peddling twee bubblegum rock despite the fact that its members are now pushing 40, Hanson misses the opportunity to show that its music has, you know, grown up a bit since 1997. To the band’s credit, it’s avoided repeating tracks from the first collection, but unfortunately we’d much rather take Snowed In’s adorable “Run Rudolph Run” over Finally, It’s Christmas’s tired “All I Want for Christmas”. Gospel-choir backing vocals can’t save “Winter Wonderland” or “Peace on Earth” from sounding like they’d be better-placed on children’s TV soundtracks than a major-label album—but if you insist on wasting your time on this record, “A Wonderful Christmas Time” is just about passable. > KW
VARIOUS ARTISTS A Capitol Christmas Volume Two As cash grabs go, it’s a completely blatant one, with A Capitol Christmas Volume Two raiding the vaults for a mixed-nuts collection that includes Wayne Newton, Dinah Shore, Lena Horne, and Glen Campbell. In fairness, they could have upped the bizarro quotient by inviting William Hung, Stryper, the Smashing Pumpkins, and Yanni to the Xmas party. Get past the fact that a Capitol recording contract is all that connects many of the artists, though, and you’ll discover genuine treasures like Les Paul and Mary Ford’s retro-riffic “White Christmas” and Al Martino’s lounge-tastic “Silver Bells”. On the downside, a 1991 remix of “Christmas Day” serves as a grim reminder that the Beach Boys should have been buried at sea right around the time Brian Wilson officially went off the deep end. > MU
THE COASTERS Christmas With the Coasters For those who need a reminder, the Coasters lit up the 1950s and ’60s with their brand of bluesy rock ’n’ roll vocal numbers. For a number of reasons, the band currently boasts a grand total of zero original members. Leon Hughes is the only surviving artist from its first iteration, and now runs a different group. Saxophonist King Curtis met an unfortunate end after being knifed by two junkies in the ’70s. Cornelius Gunter ended up in the morgue in the ’90s after he was shot in a parking garage. Nate Wilson, a member of the re-formed Coasters, was also shot—and then dismembered—in 1980: a crime for which the band’s manager was convicted. None of that grisly history seems to have dampened the spirits of the group’s current lineup, though. Putting a doo-wop spin on festive classics like “Someday at Christmas” and “Winter Wonderland”, the four new members add an oldtimey feel that’s infinitely more engaging than the saccharine takes on Christmas staples currently pumping out of Tim Hortons. > KW
SIA Everyday Is Christmas Considering Sia never leaves the house without an oversize wig, hat, or Victorian lampshade obscuring her face, one might have expected her first holiday-themed release to be Everyday Is Halloween. On Everyday Is Christmas, one of pop music’s true originals instead takes a refreshing approach to the most wonderful time of the year. Rather than rolling out the five-millionth rendition of “Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer”, the Aussie superstar has penned 10 originals, going to funkytown for “Santa’s Coming for Us” and curling up in front of a glowing fire for the orchestral “Underneath the Christmas Lights”. The album isn’t without its dogs, including the too-cutesy Motown-inspired jam “Puppies in the Window”, but give Sia props for not playing things safe—not to mention dying her hair a fabulously freakish candy-cane red and green for the cover art. > MU
DAVIS & MILLER Call Him Immanuel Sultry, jazzy, and full of some very impressive keyboard solos, Call Him Immanuel is a reminder that Vancouver’s local music can stand on a par with any major-label products. Opener “I’ll Be Home for Christmas” and closer “Holly Jolly Christmas” are the only nonoriginal tracks—though these virtuosic variations are far from banal—with the two middle songs on this online-only EP representing Davis & Miller’s offering to the festive canon. “Call Him Immanuel” begins with distinct “Space Oddity” vibes before melting into hymnlike melodies and references to the biblical story: the real point, we suppose, of Christmas. “Now It’s Christmas Time” takes the record in a new direction, offering a “Christmas in Dixie” feel mixed with well-timed strikes on tubular bells and a sing-along chorus. Most important of all, the holidays are the season of giving—and Davis & Miller are donating all their sales revenue to Woven, a charity that provides education for girls rescued from human trafficking in Southeast Asia. Merry Christmas. > KW ALABAMA American Christmas What precisely is an American Christmas in 2017? Cheeto Mussolini in a Grinch suit firing lumps of coal over the U.s.–mexico border with a Russian-made grenade launcher while Harvey Weinstein jacks off into a poinsettia? A crucified Santa Claus draped in the Confederate stars and bars, set alight with a tiki torch,