Mother’s Day con­fes­sions tell the real story Man­hat­tan JEW­ELLERS

Since 1992

The Georgia Straight - - High Tech -

(This ar­ti­cle is spon­sored by com­mu­nity part­ners high­lighted in the Mother’s Day dig­i­tal fea­ture on straight.com/.)

Ahead of Mother’s Day this Sun­day (May 13), it’s only ap­pro­pri­ate that we start by say­ing moms are amaz­ing. While we could wax lyri­cal about the sac­ri­fices they make, their un­con­di­tional love, guid­ance, and undy­ing sup­port, we thought we’d take the op­por­tu­nity to hand them the mike.

Yes, there are mothers who seem to have the whole par­ent­ing thing com­pletely fig­ured out. And, Gwyneth, that’s fab­u­lous. But be­low, real Van­cou­ver ma­mas dish the dirt on their fun­ni­est con­fes­sions of moth­er­hood.

SMELLS LIKE MOTH­ER­HOOD “I’m so stuck on the no­tion of not be­ing able to shower when the baby comes that I’ve been go­ing mul­ti­ple days with­out show­er­ing in preparation. Some­times I hon­estly can­not re­mem­ber when was the last time that I show­ered, which my hus­band thinks is dis­gust­ing—and he’s prob­a­bly right.” > CARA, DUE MAY 28

MOMMY’S SE­CRET “My hus­band fool­ishly thinks that I’m still wear­ing the Vic­to­ria’s Se­cret un­der­wear he got me for my birth­day. But as soon as he leaves for work, I slip on the ex­tra-large hospi­tal un­der­wear that clev­erly holds an enor­mous san­i­tary pad and ice packs!” DADDY’S DOU­BLE “When I first saw my daugh­ter (who quickly be­came a beau­ti­ful baby, now 13), I was a lit­tle shocked to see this lit­tle baby girl with the ex­act face of my hus­band. I whis­pered to her as a prom­ise: ‘I will love you any­way!’ ”

> DIANNE, MOTHER TO 13- YEAR- OLD

ONE SIZE FITS ALL “My four-weekold daugh­ter has a wardrobe that would ri­val Car­rie Brad­shaw’s, but since she’s been born I’ve put her in the only one­sie that has a zip for easy ac­cess. Don’t waste your money!”

> EMMA, MOTHER TO FOUR-WEEK-OLD

CAB­BAGE-PATCH MOM “I sent my hus­band to the su­per­mar­ket to pick up cab­bage for mak­ing coleslaw for din­ner, but the real rea­son I needed it was to put it in my bra to soothe my burn­ing nip­ples.”

> BON­NIE, MOTHER TO FIVE- WEEK OLD

CRYBABY “I used to pre­tend to be asleep when my baby started to cry so that my hus­band had to get up.”

KATE, MOTHER TO 12- YEAR- OLD > AMY, MOTHER TO SIX- YEAR- OLD POT CALL­ING KET­TLE >

HAIR RAISER “I only wash my son’s hair when it starts to look greasy or he’s go­ing to the hair­dresser. It’s usu­ally more than a month in be­tween washes!”

> AN­NIE, MOTHER TO FIVE- YEAR- OLD AND SEVEN- YEAR- OLD

THREE- SEC­OND RULE “I’ve ap­plied the three- sec­ond rule when my kid has dropped food on the floor. Some germs are good, right?”

> ROSE, MOTHER TO SEVEN-YEAR-OLD

CRAFT TRASH “I’ve se­cretly thrown out my son’s crafts. There’s not enough room in our apart­ment!” LIAR, LIAR “As moms, we lie all the time. For years, my daugh­ters thought that fish was chicken, that leeks were cu­cum­bers, and that ev­ery veg­etable un­der the sun was an ap­ple.” > TARA, MOTHER TO 14- YEAROLD AND 23- YEAR- OLD

BLACK

“My daugh­ters don’t think I kissed a boy or drank al­co­hol un­til I was 23. And they cer­tainly don’t know that I’ve smoked pot.”

> KELLY, MOTHER TO 12-YEAR-OLD AND 15-YEAR-OLD

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