Mother’s Day confessions tell the real story Manhattan JEWELLERS

Since 1992

(This article is sponsored by community partners highlighted in the Mother’s Day digital feature on straight.com/.)

Ahead of Mother’s Day this Sunday (May 13), it’s only appropriate that we start by saying moms are amazing. While we could wax lyrical about the sacrifices they make, their unconditional love, guidance, and undying support, we thought we’d take the opportunity to hand them the mike.

Yes, there are mothers who seem to have the whole parenting thing completely figured out. And, Gwyneth, that’s fabulous. But below, real Vancouver mamas dish the dirt on their funniest confessions of motherhood.

SMELLS LIKE MOTHERHOOD “I’m so stuck on the notion of not being able to shower when the baby comes that I’ve been going multiple days without showering in preparation. Sometimes I honestly cannot remember when was the last time that I showered, which my husband thinks is disgusting—and he’s probably right.” > CARA, DUE MAY 28

MOMMY’S SECRET “My husband foolishly thinks that I’m still wearing the Victoria’s Secret underwear he got me for my birthday. But as soon as he leaves for work, I slip on the extra-large hospital underwear that cleverly holds an enormous sanitary pad and ice packs!” DADDY’S DOUBLE “When I first saw my daughter (who quickly became a beautiful baby, now 13), I was a little shocked to see this little baby girl with the exact face of my husband. I whispered to her as a promise: ‘I will love you anyway!’ ”

> DIANNE, MOTHER TO 13- YEAR- OLD

ONE SIZE FITS ALL “My four-weekold daughter has a wardrobe that would rival Carrie Bradshaw’s, but since she’s been born I’ve put her in the only onesie that has a zip for easy access. Don’t waste your money!”

> EMMA, MOTHER TO FOUR-WEEK-OLD

CABBAGE-PATCH MOM “I sent my husband to the supermarket to pick up cabbage for making coleslaw for dinner, but the real reason I needed it was to put it in my bra to soothe my burning nipples.”

> BONNIE, MOTHER TO FIVE- WEEK OLD

CRYBABY “I used to pretend to be asleep when my baby started to cry so that my husband had to get up.”

KATE, MOTHER TO 12- YEAR- OLD > AMY, MOTHER TO SIX- YEAR- OLD POT CALLING KETTLE >

HAIR RAISER “I only wash my son’s hair when it starts to look greasy or he’s going to the hairdresser. It’s usually more than a month in between washes!”

> ANNIE, MOTHER TO FIVE- YEAR- OLD AND SEVEN- YEAR- OLD

THREE- SECOND RULE “I’ve applied the three- second rule when my kid has dropped food on the floor. Some germs are good, right?”

> ROSE, MOTHER TO SEVEN-YEAR-OLD

CRAFT TRASH “I’ve secretly thrown out my son’s crafts. There’s not enough room in our apartment!” LIAR, LIAR “As moms, we lie all the time. For years, my daughters thought that fish was chicken, that leeks were cucumbers, and that every vegetable under the sun was an apple.” > TARA, MOTHER TO 14- YEAROLD AND 23- YEAR- OLD

BLACK

“My daughters don’t think I kissed a boy or drank alcohol until I was 23. And they certainly don’t know that I’ve smoked pot.”

> KELLY, MOTHER TO 12-YEAR-OLD AND 15-YEAR-OLD