The dumpee will meet someone else
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I DON’T WANT to become one of those people who write to you complaining about how I married someone I wasn’t sexually compatible with 10 years ago and now my sex life still sucks. I already know I need to break up with my boyfriend, and I was about to do it when he got sick with the flu. This was at the beginning of March. I assumed he’d be sick for a week and then we would have an unpleasant conversation. But then the entire country shut down and my boyfriend was officially diagnosed with COVID-19. So I haven’t seen him since the last weekend in February and I’ve been playing the role of the supportive and worried girlfriend from afar. But it’s been hard. Both my parents are in high-risk groups and my mental health has been battered. My boyfriend is finally getting better, and I don’t know what to do when I finally have to see him again. I’m not breaking up with him because he’s a bad person, and I don’t want to hurt him, but that’s exactly what’s going to happen. I feel guilty because I’m choosing my happiness over his. I know I shouldn’t, Dan, but I do. - Feeling Resentful About Uncoupling Dilemma
Pandemic or no pandemic, FRAUD, you can’t stay with someone forever— you can’t be miserable for the rest of your life—to spare that person the routine and surmountable pain of getting dumped. Not breaking up with your boyfriend while he was fighting COVID-19 was the right thing to do, of course, and I don’t for a minute question the sincerity of your concern for him. (You want to see the relationship end, FRAUD, not him.)
But don’t wait until you see him again to break up with him. It’ll suck for him, of course, but the world is full of people who got dumped and got over it. And the sooner he gets over you, the sooner he’ll meet someone else.
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I’M 34, NON-BINARY but presenting female. Due to a series of personal tragedies (death, deportation, illness—it was not a Top 10 year), I’m sheltering with my parents. Long story short, I’m 100 percent financially dependent on my parents right now. The upside is, I’ve had a lot of time to become comfortable with the fact that I really, really want to mess around with cross-dressing. I would love to get a binder and a masc getup and haircut and just see how that feels. My parents will want to know “what this means” and they won’t take “fuck if I know” for an answer. It will be a long time (maybe years) before I’m either eligible for disability or ready to work again, and I just can’t wait that long. Keeping masc stuff around the house means people will eventually see it. Again, they’d probably be supportive, but I just want to keep this private. Is there a way to do it?
- Hoping For A Third Option
Other than winning the lottery and moving out on your own tomorrow, HFATO, there’s no third option here. You’re going to have to pick your poison: risk having an awkward conversation with parents who are likely to be supportive, or continue to wait—possibly for years—before you start exploring your gender presentation. The choice seems obvious to me.
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ARE SOME PEOPLE just bad at sex? My partner has been overwhelmed with work and our sex life suffered a major decline. He’s working with a psychotherapist who told him some people are just not good at sex and he should just accept that he’s one of those people. It broke my heart to know someone said that to my partner. Am I overreacting?
- Completely Undermining
Negative Therapy
There are people out there who are “bad at sex” by objective measures. But “good sex” is so subjective that I’m not convinced objective measures really matter. For example, I got a letter yesterday from someone complaining their partner is “bad at sex” because they just lie there, silent and inert, while the letter writer “does all the work”. But if the person who lies there was partnered with a necrophiliac, well, that “silent and inert” stuff would make them great at sex, not bad at sex, at least by a necrophiliac’s standards.
As for your boyfriend, CUNT, you’re in a better position to judge whether he’s good at sex—by your subjective standards—than a shrink.
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