Fam­ily con­fronta­tion won’t hap­pen

The Guardian (Charlottetown) - - COFFEE BREAK - Q A

- I’ve been mar­ried for 37 years and don’t know if I want to be mar­ried any­more.

My sis­ter-in-law hates me and I don’t know why.

Three years ago, when a fam­ily mem­ber passed away, I went to rep­re­sent my fam­ily as my hus­band works night shifts.

We were all stand­ing out­side talk­ing to peo­ple and rel­a­tives that we don’t see of­ten. My sis­ter-in-law in­vited ev­ery­one back to her house for cof­fee, but not me.

I felt left out and up­set, and walked to my car alone. Many peo­ple called out, “aren’t you com­ing?”

My niece no­ticed and told her mom (my SIL). I later told my hus­band. But he never ques­tioned his sis­ter about it. He said that if I had a prob­lem, maybe I should speak to her. She heard from fam­ily mem­bers that I was up­set. We haven’t spo­ken since.

At fam­ily wed­dings, I’ve been cor­dial and say hello. No re­sponse. Again, my hus­band says noth­ing.

We just had a fu­neral and be­cause my hus­band doesn’t see this sis­ter that of­ten, he went to sit with her, leav­ing me alone.

I was al­most in tears. Peo­ple asked me to sit with them. My hus­band doesn’t stick up for me. He al­ways avoids this con­ver­sa­tion.

My kids tell him he should speak to his sis­ter about me. His re­sponse is that she’s fine with him.

I’m re­sent­ing my hus­band and may stop go­ing to places where I have to see her. Aw­ful Sis­ter-in-Law

- Thirty-seven years - more than enough time to know the na­ture of your hus­band, his re­sponse to fam­ily, his re­ac­tions to stress. part­ner or as­so­ciate will be de­mand­ing no mat­ter what you do. Tonight: Get some much-needed per­sonal time. LEO ( July 23-Aug. 22)

Your in­tu­ition en­cour­ages you to lean on some­one you trust. Un­der­stand that not ev­ery­one has the same goals as you. Nev­er­the­less, your car­ing will get a welcome re­sponse. You might not be able to make a move as quickly as you'd like. Tonight: Be spon­ta­neous. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

You might feel un­usu­ally tense, as oth­ers ex­pect a lot from you. A part­ner cheers you on, and friends prove to be great sup­port­ers. Just the same, you could hit some awk­ward mo­ments when hav­ing a dis­cus­sion. Just don't play into a power play. Tonight: Be nice at all costs. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

Look at the big pic­ture rather than al­low your­self to get trig­gered. You want to avoid some­one who in­sists upon hav­ing his or her way at any cost. You know that you don't want to get into a power play with this per­son. Tonight: Note that peo­ple could be out of sorts. SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

You might sense a heav­i­ness around you that emerges when re­lat­ing on a one-on-one ba­sis with oth­ers. Com­mu­ni­ca­tion can be dif­fi­cult if you don't know what to say. Un­til you are sure of your­self, you would

He doesn’t want con­fronta­tion… and I’m guess­ing he’s al­ways been that way.

Now you want him to chal­lenge his sis­ter for her rudeness to you three years ago, and her con­tin­ued ig­nor­ing of you so­cially. It’s not go­ing to hap­pen. So the real ques­tion is this: What are you go­ing to do about it? Break up your own fam­ily of hus­band and adult kids? Sure, you can stop at­tend­ing fam­ily events, but that’ll in­sult the rel­a­tives who sup­port you.

You can be as rude as your nasty SIL, but that’ll put you on her level.

In­stead, ev­ery time you walk in with your head held high and talk to de­cent peo­ple with­out overt rudeness to her, you put your­self on a higher plane. At the fu­neral, he could’ve gone to ac­knowl­edge her, then re­turned to sit with you. He doesn’t have that sen­si­tiv­ity. Or the courage to in­sult her. But that doesn’t make a mar­riage breakup a bet­ter so­lu­tion for you. be wise to stay mum. Tonight: Avoid a dis­agree­ment. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

You will want to un­der­stand what is go­ing on within you. You might re­act strongly to an as­so­ciate, friend or loved one who seems to edge his or her way past your nor­mal bound­aries. Re­mem­ber, you can say "no" nicely. Tonight: Smile and say "yes" to an in­vi­ta­tion. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

Your fo­cus is on ac­com­plish­ing what you need to get done. You could hit sev­eral sna­fus along the way. A loved one might be giv­ing you a lot of flak at the last minute. Your in­tu­ition helps you read be­tween the lines. You will be able to end a con­flict. Tonight: Know when to call it. AQUARIUS ( Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

You might note that many peo­ple around you seem to be full of them­selves; power plays seem to be a theme. You'll want to pull back. You could opt to take a walk on the wild side and en­joy your­self to the max. As a re­sult, you will run into kin­dred spir­its. Tonight: As you like it. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20)

A do­mes­tic is­sue might make you feel un­com­fort­able. You can't run away; the only way to han­dle the prob­lem is to face it head-on. You have the energy to get past a prob­lem with ease. Don't worry if some­one doesn't get what you are say­ing right now. Tonight: Happy at home.

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