Keep wed­ding joy para­mount

The Guardian (Charlottetown) - - COFFEE BREAK - El­lie Tesher

Q - I'm get­ting mar­ried soon, and plan­ning fi­nal touches of my dream wed­ding.

Un­for­tu­nately, I’m mis­er­able! My par­ents are driv­ing me in­sane.

I moved from my home state and away from my par­ents when I grad­u­ated from high school ten years ago.

They’ve al­ways seemed re­sent­ful of my new life.

Now, my mother’s very jeal­ous of time I spend with my fu­ture moth­erin-law. She’s stopped speak­ing to me.

My fa­ther in­sists that I in­vite more rel­a­tives from our side so that we’re not "out­num­bered," though I can­not af­ford more guests.

How can I stay pos­i­tive and es­cape my par­ents’ pes­simistic in­flu­ence?

Blush­ing Bride in Cal­i­for­nia

A - The wed­ding is about your choice of part­ner, and the love you and he feel for each other.

Those are big emo­tional pos­i­tives. Most neg­a­tive dis­trac­tions should be brushed aside.

But re­tain a pocket of com­pas­sion for your par­ents, since this event’s clearly hav­ing an emo­tional im­pact on them, too.

What­ever tran­spired in your grow­ing up with them, you left home as soon as pos­si­ble.

The wed­ding (like your move) high­lights the dis­tance in your con­nec­tion to them, and ap­par­ently sparks jeal­ousy/guilt/blame about what could’ve been dif­fer­ent.

That’s their prob­lem, not yours, at this time.

Tell your fa­ther you’ve cut off the guest list at what you can af­ford. For any­one ex­tra, he has to put up the money ahead of your send­ing an in­vi­ta­tion.

Send a note, email, and phone mes­sage to your mother, all say­ing that she’ll al­ways be your mother, no mat­ter whom else is in your life.

Tell her that not talk­ing to you is only hurt­ful to both of you when she should en­joy your hap­pi­ness with you.

Then show that no mat­ter what oth­ers bother them­selves about, you’re go­ing to en­joy your wed­ding day.

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