Keep wedding joy paramount

Q - I'm getting married soon, and planning final touches of my dream wedding.

Unfortunately, I’m miserable! My parents are driving me insane.

I moved from my home state and away from my parents when I graduated from high school ten years ago.

They’ve always seemed resentful of my new life.

Now, my mother’s very jealous of time I spend with my future motherin-law. She’s stopped speaking to me.

My father insists that I invite more relatives from our side so that we’re not "outnumbered," though I cannot afford more guests.

How can I stay positive and escape my parents’ pessimistic influence?

Blushing Bride in California

A - The wedding is about your choice of partner, and the love you and he feel for each other.

Those are big emotional positives. Most negative distractions should be brushed aside.

But retain a pocket of compassion for your parents, since this event’s clearly having an emotional impact on them, too.

Whatever transpired in your growing up with them, you left home as soon as possible.

The wedding (like your move) highlights the distance in your connection to them, and apparently sparks jealousy/guilt/blame about what could’ve been different.

That’s their problem, not yours, at this time.

Tell your father you’ve cut off the guest list at what you can afford. For anyone extra, he has to put up the money ahead of your sending an invitation.

Send a note, email, and phone message to your mother, all saying that she’ll always be your mother, no matter whom else is in your life.

Tell her that not talking to you is only hurtful to both of you when she should enjoy your happiness with you.

Then show that no matter what others bother themselves about, you’re going to enjoy your wedding day.