Don’t mis­lead some­one who cares

The Guardian (Charlottetown) - - COFFEE BREAK - Q A Q A

- My hus­band left me five years ago for another woman af­ter a long mar­riage and a messy di­vorce.

I was dev­as­tated, and sought coun­selling. I’ve be­come very in­de­pen­dent and moved on well with my life.

I dated two re­spect­ful men, each for a year. Both re­la­tion­ships were ended be­cause both men didn’t want com­mit­ment. For two months, I’ve been dat­ing a gen­tle­man who’s very in­ter­ested in de­vel­op­ing a re­la­tion­ship, but the chem­istry isn’t there for me. He has a lot of health is­sues, and isn’t fi­nan­cially sta­ble.

I’ve told him that I’m in­ter­ested in a friend­ship only, which he’s seemed to ac­cept as we en­joy each other’s com­pany (with hand-hold­ing only).

I still hope that Mr. Right is out there. Is it okay for me to meet oth­ers for cof­fee and po­ten­tial dates while I’m still dat­ing my friend?

Or, should I break it off com­pletely be­fore he gets at­tached to me? I don’t want to hurt him. Con­fused Dater

- He wants a real re­la­tion­ship, so it’s mis­lead­ing to carry on with regularly “dat­ing” him.

And it’s hurt­ful to also scout the field for oth­ers while see­ing this man.

Tell him that you value his friend­ship but are seek­ing a truly mu­tual re­la­tion­ship.

Take a break from see­ing him and from hold­ing hands. In a cou­ple of months, an oc­ca­sional get-to­gether is fine if he still ac­cepts that you’ll only be friends. the day ends. Tonight: The party be­gins now. LEO ( July 23-Aug. 22)

It would be smart to get over your fussi­ness quickly, as you will be deal­ing with a lot of peo­ple at once. It seems as if all you are see­ing is what you want to see, and noth­ing more. Be care­ful, as it might be your dis­tor­tions that up­set the ap­ple cart. Tonight: Hang out. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

You might have a sense that a prob­lem has gone too far. How you han­dle a per­sonal mat­ter could change this sit­u­a­tion. Lis­ten to your in­stincts, and you will land well. Your ex­penses might be out of whack, so try to use more self-dis­ci­pline. Tonight: The world is your oys­ter. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

Your energy soars. What could pos­si­bly stop you at this point? You seem to be much more to­gether right now, and you'll make a strong im­pres­sion no mat­ter what you do. If you have an im­por­tant sit­u­a­tion pend­ing, push it for­ward. Tonight: Don't stop now. SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

Say lit­tle, and con­cen­trate on a pro­ject or your work. The less in­volved you are, the more suc­cess­ful the out­come will be. You also might need some per­sonal time to re­think a de­ci­sion or maybe just snooze. Don't al­low any­one to slow you down. Tonight: Take a walk. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

Open up a dis­cus­sion in the

- My friend turns to erotic masseuses or other sex work­ers about twice a month.

He uses these ser­vices be­cause he's tired of be­ing friendly with women who look like they're in­ter­ested, but their ac­tions speak oth­er­wise. He's tired of see­ing women ex­press love for men who se­ri­ously mis­treat them.

He's tired of get­ting told he's at­trac­tive, but he still hasn't found some­one. He also fears be­ing re­jected be­cause of his psy­chi­atric history, be­ing un­em­ployed and be­ing poor. But with sex work­ers, he doesn't feel left out nor threat­ened and in­fe­rior to women, like he used to.

True Story

- You asked no ques­tion, only re­counted a sad and hurt­ful history and pos­i­tive ra­tio­nal­iza­tion for a so­lu­tion that’s work­ing. It’s no­body else’s busi­ness to judge. most pos­i­tive way pos­si­ble. Loosen up; a friend­ship could play a sig­nif­i­cant role in what hap­pens. Re­main sure of your­self, and don't lessen the im­por­tance of your needs. Don't back down on a mat­ter that's im­por­tant to you. Tonight: Find your friends. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

You might feel pres­sured by some­one in a po­si­tion of au­thor­ity. You know your lim­its, but does this per­son rec­og­nize them? You could feel bur­dened by a set of com­mit­ments and re­spon­si­bil­i­ties. Let oth­ers know that you have had enough. Tonight: In the lime­light. AQUARIUS ( Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

You have a way about you that im­plies that you can han­dle any­thing. Your plate is full, but you'll have an op­por­tu­nity to take a short trip or switch gears. You are full of energy and open to pos­si­bil­i­ties. As a re­sult, doors will open. Tonight: Know what you want. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20)

You might be in the mood for a close en­counter. You would like to see life from a more log­i­cal point of view. A dis­cus­sion with a key per­son in your life will help you bot­tom-line what is hap­pen­ing. Un­der­stand­ing will evolve as a re­sult. Tonight: Have a one-on-one chat.

BORN TO­DAY

Ac­tor Robin Wil­liams (1951), au­thor Ernest Hem­ing­way (1899), ac­tor Josh Hart­nett (1978)

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