Gentle teaching helps sexual styles
Q-I’ve been dating a wonderful guy for over a year. We moved in together recently, and everything’s still great.
He’s fun, respectful, and we have many interests in common.
The issue for me is sex. We don't have the same sexual "style." I like someone a bit more aggressive, who takes control and creates excitement.
He’s a little more passive in the bedroom.
I've brought it up a few times, but nothing has really changed. I can count on one hand the number of orgasms I've had in the last year.
He orgasms nearly every time. It's starting to make me feel disconnected from him.
I’ve been in relationships where the sex was great but everything else was awful, so I know that sex isn't everything.
However, I’m in my mid-30's and want this to be "the one."
Am I going to regret it in the longterm?
A-You’ll regret it if you just keep talking and not teaching.
Buy a sex toy that works for you and show him the sexual release that you want to feel, just as he enjoys his own.
Get a copy of the ancient Hindu text, the Kama Sutra, considered the “bible” of human sexual behaviour and look at it together.
Text and talk to him suggestively during the day (short of sending nude selfies to him at work), to build anticipation for intimacy.
Do NOT use words like “aggressive” vs. “passive.” They’re judgmental sounding rather than encouraging.
(One concern: If it’s his personality that you find too passive in other areas as well, that can be disappointing in more areas than just sex).
His past experience may be more limited or more conservative than yours. But if he also wants this relationship to be “the one,” he should be willing to please you as much as you please him.
TIP OF THE DAY
It sometimes takes gentle teaching for a couple to adapt their sexual style to each other.