Wife says stop­page time has run out for soc­cer en­thu­si­ast

The Guardian (Charlottetown) - - COMMUNITY/ENTERTAINMENT - Abi­gail Van Buren Dear Abby is writ­ten by Abi­gail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Con­tact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los An­ge­les, CA 90069. Good ad­vice for ev­ery­one — teens

DEAR ABBY: My hus­band, an avid soc­cer player, in­jured him­self twice last year, which left him un­able to work for months at a time. He re­fuses to hang up his cleats be­cause he says it’s his “one true pas­sion.”

I think he’s be­ing self­ish be­cause his soc­cer in­juries have caused a fi­nan­cial, emo­tional and phys­i­cal strain on our fam­ily.

I can’t be the only wife/mom who doesn’t want the ad­di­tional risk. Any ad­vice on how to get through to him? — SPORTS WIFE IN CLEVE­LAND

DEAR SPORTS WIFE: I don’t know how old your hus­band is, but two se­ri­ous in­juries in one year may be a hint from Fa­ther Time that his re­flexes aren’t as acute as they once were, and he should chan­nel his pas­sion in an­other di­rec­tion (coach­ing, per­haps?)

As­sum­ing you have in­sur­ance, con­tact your agent and ask if there is ad­di­tional cov­er­age your hus­band can take out in case he is se­ri­ously in­jured again. Of course, it won’t guar­an­tee that he won’t hurt him­self, but it might give you some peace of mind in case he does.

DEAR ABBY: I’m 23 and live with my par­ents — a sit­u­a­tion I am work­ing to change, to be sure. When I come home from work, I oc­ca­sion­ally like to have a glass of wine or a beer. Ob­vi­ously, be­cause I’m an adult, this should not be a prob­lem, but ev­ery time I touch al­co­hol my mom freaks out.

There is a history of al­co­holism in my fam­ily, so I some­what understand where she’s com­ing from. But I feel she needs to re­al­ize that I can have a glass or two of wine and it doesn’t mean I’m get­ting drunk or an al­co­holic. I am my own per­son, in con­trol of my body, and I know my lim­its.

My fam­ily’s view of al­co­hol seems to have been skewed be­cause of our his- tory.

Abby, one glass of wine a night does not an al­co­holic make, right? — UN­WIND­ING IN NEW ENG­LAND

DEAR UN­WIND­ING: Or­di­nar­ily, I would say no. But a ten­dency to­ward ad­dic­tion can run in fam­i­lies, and for some­one with a pre­dis­po­si­tion to al­co­holism, a glass (or two) of wine ev­ery night could es­ca­late and lead to prob­lems.

Be­cause you live in your mother’s house, try to be more sen­si­tive to her feel­ings and re­spect them. She has ex­pe­ri­enced first­hand what it’s like to live with some­one who has an al­co­hol prob­lem, and it isn’t pretty. That’s why she is so sen­si­tive about it.

DEAR ABBY: My neigh­bour of­ten comes over to share some of her home cook­ing. Un­for­tu­nately, it tastes hor­ri­ble.

She in­vari­ably asks me the next day how I liked it, and I really don’t enjoy ly­ing. How can I tell her I don’t like her cook­ing and I don’t want her to bring me any more? — TEN­DER TUMMY IN WASH­ING­TON

DEAR TEN­DER TUMMY: Use a vari­a­tion on your sig­na­ture and say that al­though you ap­pre­ci­ate her gen­eros­ity, for some time her cook­ing hasn’t agreed with you — you have a “ten­der tummy” — so please re­frain from bring­ing over any more food.

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