Long mar­riage left in limbo by wife’s at­trac­tion to women

The Guardian (Charlottetown) - - COMMUNITY/ENTERTAINMENT - Abi­gail Van Buren Dear Abby is writ­ten by Abi­gail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Con­tact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los An­ge­les, CA 90069. What teens need to know about s

DEAR ABBY: Af­ter 27 years of mar­riage, my wife told me she is at­tracted to other women. To my knowl­edge, she has acted on this only once.

Ev­ery day I won­der where our re­la­tion­ship stands. One day she can’t see her­self with­out me; the next, she says we should di­vorce. I don’t know if I should end this or wait to see where it goes.

I will need coun­selling if we di­vorce, but cur­rently I can’t af­ford it. Yes, I love her, but what mat­ters most to me is that she is happy. I don’t have any­one else to talk to about this. Any sug­ges­tions? — MR. D. IN CAL­I­FOR­NIA

DEAR MR. D.: Af­ter 27 years of mar­riage I can only imag­ine how shock­ing your wife’s rev­e­la­tion must have been for you. That she is am­biva­lent about your mar­riage must be deeply painful be­cause you are be­ing treated like a yo-yo.

The book “The Other Side of the Closet,” by Amity Pierce Bux­ton, Ph.D., has been men­tioned be­fore in my col­umn and has proven help­ful to oth­ers in your sit­u­a­tion. There is also a sup­port group called the Straight Spouse Net­work (www.straight­spouse.org), which of­fers emo­tional sup­port af­ter a wife or a hus­band comes out as yours did. Please don’t wait to read the book and visit the web­site. I think you will find them com­fort­ing.

DEAR ABBY: I have a large fam­ily con­sist­ing of many grand­chil­dren and great-grand­chil­dren. Look­ing through my photo al­bums, I can’t com­plain that I don’t have enough pho­tos of my chil­dren, but it’s a pa­rade of tongues.

Their moth­ers all post pho­tos on so­cial me­dia with their tongues hang­ing out. The chil­dren then mimic their moms and their pho­tos are dis­gust­ing as well. I would love to have pho­tos of my chil­dren mi­nus the slimy or­gan.

Is this ac­cepted be­hav­iour in our so­ci­ety now? Please, can some­one en­lighten me as to the in­spi­ra­tion of this re­pul­sive ac­tion? — CLOSED-MOUTHED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR CLOSED-MOUTHED: I sus­pect it orig­i­nated back in the 1970s when Gene Sim­mons of Kiss licked his way to the top of the mu­sic charts. Lately, Mi­ley Cyrus took up the torch and is keep­ing it burn­ing brightly. Chil­dren of­ten stick out their tongues when they are forced to have their pic­ture taken or are try­ing to be funny, but I don’t think Gene and Mi­ley fall into that cat­e­gory. Quite the op­po­site, in fact.

DEAR ABBY: Some­times I’ll call a close friend or busi­ness as­so­ciate for lunch with the goal of hav­ing a qual­ity one-on-one con­ver­sa­tion on a wide range of top­ics. Af­ter the lunch is set, more than one of them has then in­vited other peo­ple I know, but with whom I do not have the same qual­ity re­la­tion­ship. It is not a pleas­ant sur­prise.

I find it ir­ri­tat­ing be­cause it in­vari­ably changes the dy­namic of the con­ver­sa­tion. I never say any­thing about it, but it both­ers me. Is my re­ac­tion rea­son­able, or should I just roll with this? — THWARTED IN DAL­LAS

DEAR THWARTED: Your re­ac­tion is per­fectly rea­son­able. The first time it hap­pened, you should have shared your feel­ings with the per­son who did it. It has hap­pened again be­cause you didn’t speak up. Now you will have to warn the per­son you’re invit­ing in ad­vance.

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from Canada

© PressReader. All rights reserved.