Fi­ance’s ser­vice as marine makes waves on home­front

The Guardian (Charlottetown) - - FEATURES - Abi­gail Van Buren Dear Abby Dear Abby is writ­ten by Abi­gail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Con­tact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los An­ge­les, CA 90069. For an ex­cel­lent guide

DEAR ABBY: My fi­ance is in the Marine Re­serves. He has been in for five years, and his con­tract is due to end next year. Af­ter that, he will ei­ther re­sign or re-en­list.

He’s ob­sessed with the idea of serv­ing his coun­try and de­ploy­ing. He says he won’t feel like he did his job if he doesn’t de­ploy. While I re­spect that, for him to de­ploy, he must re-en­list, and his new con­tract will be for an­other six years. He could be sent over­seas many times in six years.

I can’t imag­ine life with­out him. Ev­ery time I even watch a war movie, I cry. I know it sounds self­ish be­cause he is very brave, but how can I talk him into not re-en­list­ing or at least com­mu­ni­cate that I don’t want him to do this again? — WANTS HIM STATE­SIDE

DEAR WANTS: Frankly, I am sur­prised you haven’t told your fi­ance your feel­ings about this al­ready, be­cause you should have. While I wouldn’t ask him to choose be­tween you and his mil­i­tary ser­vice, I do think you have some se­ri­ous think­ing to do about your own fu­ture.

Be­ing a mil­i­tary spouse re­quires a spe­cial kind of strong, in­de­pen­dent and ded­i­cated per­son — as you have al­ready ex­pe­ri­enced. While you may love him, if this isn’t a life­style to which you can adapt, then he may not be the hus­band for you.

DEAR ABBY: My mother’s father re­cently got out of prison and was de­ported to Mex­ico. He had been in jail for 20 years, al­most my en­tire life (I’m 22). While he was in prison, I wrote him sev­eral times, hop­ing to con­nect with him, but I never got a re­sponse — not even an ac­knowl­edge­ment in his let­ters to my mom.

When I’m asked if I have any grand­par­ents, I usu­ally say, “I only have two grand­mas.” My father’s father was the only real grand­fa­ther I had, and I loved him dearly. He died in 2003.

The prob­lem is, my mom wants me to call her father “Grandpa” when I don’t even know the man!

In my opin­ion, the ti­tle of “Grandpa” is earned and not au­to­mat­i­cally be­stowed. Am I be­ing un­rea­son­able and what should I do? — ES­TRANGED GRAND­DAUGH­TER IN CAL­I­FOR­NIA

DEAR ES­TRANGED: You are not be­ing un­rea­son­able; you are be­ing ra­tio­nal. You are not only not ob­li­gated to call this man “Grandpa,” you are un­der no obli­ga­tion to speak to him at all, and I wouldn’t blame you if you kept your dis­tance.

DEAR ABBY: I just got asked to my first high school dance by “Josh,” a boy I re­ally like. I don’t know what to do, what to wear or what to say. I don’t even know how to dance, and I don’t want to mess this up.

Josh is very pop­u­lar and has done this be­fore, but I haven’t. He’s my best friend, and I’m scared of los­ing him be­cause I’m not good enough. Should I go or call it off and just stay home? Maybe I’m just not meant for all this dat­ing stuff. What should I do? — IN­EX­PE­RI­ENCED IN NE­VADA

DEAR IN­EX­PE­RI­ENCED: If you weren’t “good enough,” Josh wouldn’t have in­vited you to the dance. Be­cause you haven’t danced be­fore, ask him to give you some point­ers be­fore the big night. If you do, I’m sure he’ll be glad to help.

As to what to wear, if any of your girl­friends have at­tended the dances, ask them for sug­ges­tions. How­ever, if none of them have been to a school dance ei­ther, ask any fe­male rel­a­tive of the same age — or ask Josh.

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