Aggression with baby presents danger
Q - My husband of three years was diagnosed with a mood disorder. He gets extremely angry very quickly.
We’ve separately spoken with therapists and seeking help from our doctors.
He’s been put on medication. But he still gets so angry at our 15-month-old daughter for getting into things.
Recently she fell and he spoke to her in an angry tone and picked her up aggressively. She cried even harder, so I went to her. I told him to be gentle with her. He told me to shut my mouth!
The next night he wanted to have sex. I reminded him how he spoke to me the day before so, No, I wasn’t interested. He tried again.
What else am I supposed to do??
Losing Patience
A - Protect your child and yourself. Contact your husband’s doctor immediately and say that he’s increasingly aggressive with your baby and you.
His medication may need adjustment, especially if he becomes more aggressive. Meanwhile, he should not care for the baby on his own. Arguing about sex will exacerbate the situation. If that continues, visit a relative or friend with your child for a while. If necessary, get to a shelter for safety.
You’ll need to make a safe plan. Contact an agency for abused women (found online) using a private phone or safe computer (available at public libraries).
If new medications calm him somewhat and you stay, continue seeing the therapist about how to deal with his moods, but only IF he is not reacting dangerously to your child or you.
Q – I’m nearly 60 and my marriage has been loveless for 15 years.
I’m still working full-time; we have two children (ages 22 and 20).
After years of sacrificing to work two hours away, I’m now 30 minutes away.
But I’ve been sad and disrespected. Lovemaking has been non-existent for the last four to five years.
Although I try to kiss her, she’ll turn her head and only let me kiss her cheek!
I know that she doesn’t want that part anymore, it’s probably because I cannot get it up and sustain it.
I’m a hopeless romantic and feel I deserve better than my current life, and shouldn’t just grin and bear it until my dying days rather than start all over again. The only things making me happy are my kids.
Unhappy Marriage
A - Erectile dysfunction (ED) or “not getting it up,” doesn’t have to end sex. Especially, not at age 60.
You say nothing of having seen a doctor, gotten a diagnosis, or tried popular remedies like Viagra or Cialis.
You’ve also said nothing of having tried to give your wife sexual pleasure during this time, or whether she just turned off you completely without giving you a chance.
It seems you’ve both been passive as the relationship changed toward this impasse. So you’re both likely unhappy.
It’d be an ideal “re-start” if you went to counselling together, but if she isn’t willing, go alone.
In counselling sessions, think through whether starting all over alone is something you can handle now. If so, you’ll need legal advice, too.
But if not, try to make peace with your life. Your work is conveniently closer. Your kids make you happy. That’s two positives.
Now try to improve your marital relationship. Go out together, communicate more, do some things you both enjoy together, and plan some special times with your adult kids together.
Hopefully, if she sees you making an effort, so will she.
Meanwhile, see a doctor about your ED.