Mis­tress still mourns years af­ter man’s death

The Guardian (Charlottetown) - - ENTERTAINMENT - Abi­gail Van Buren

DEAR ABBY: I don’t know what to do. I was hav­ing an af­fair with the most won­der­ful (mar­ried) man. I’m sure that he and I were the only ones who knew. He passed away un­ex­pect­edly a few years ago.

I still go to the place where we met and hung out to­gether. In my mind, I see him walk­ing in and speak­ing his last words to me.

How do I mourn for him with­out giv­ing it away? He was cre­mated, so there’s no grave to visit. I end up in tears when I visit “our” place. I need all the ad­vice you have to of­fer. — NEEDS HELP IN MAS­SACHUSETTS

DEAR NEEDS HELP: Please ac­cept my sym­pa­thy for your clearly heart­felt loss. Or­di­nar­ily I’d sug­gest you join a grief sup­port group, but I’m afraid if you do, you might run into his widow if you live in the same area.

It might help you to visit the place you met less of­ten. Surely there are less painful places you can go to qui­etly re­flect on your re­la­tion­ship. You might also con­sider dis­cussing your feel­ings with a ther­a­pist or a trusted, non­judg­men­tal friend be­cause keep­ing these feel­ings bot­tled up is not healthy.

DEAR ABBY: There is a nice cou­ple we know who make their own wine. They give us a cou­ple of bot­tles a year and ask us to re­turn the emp­ties, which we are happy to do.

We love good wine of all kinds. In years past, we have ap­pre­ci­ated their wine gifts, al­though, to be hon­est, they have been of mar­ginal qual­ity. I usu­ally end up us­ing it for cook­ing.

We just opened their last gift, Abby, and it is so aw­ful I won’t use it even in cook­ing. My hus­band and I are now hav­ing a dis­agree­ment: He says, “Dump it and re­turn the bot­tle with a thank-you.” I say, “Re­turn the left­over wine (mi­nus a 1/4 glass), and say how much we ap­pre­ci­ate the thought, but that it just wasn’t the flavour we drink.”

I just don’t want them to waste their wine on us and give us any more, as they work hard to make it. Please ad­vise. — NOT A LIAR IN COLORADO

DEAR NOT A LIAR: It might be kin­der to re­turn the empty bot­tle with a note thank­ing them and ask­ing them to please not send you more be­cause you are try­ing to cut back on your al­co­hol con­sump­tion.

It’s the truth. The al­co­hol you’re try­ing to cut back on is theirs.

DEAR ABBY: My daugh­ter “Maria’s” quincean­era is next year. We in­vited her half-sib­lings to come. But her fa­ther’s cur­rent wife, “Elena,” re­fuses to al­low it be­cause Elena is a Je­ho­vah’s Wit­ness.

Maria will be heart­bro­ken that they won’t be there. Is there any­thing I can do to per­suade Elena to let them come, or would it be over­step­ping my place? — PROUD MAMA IN KEN­TUCKY

DEAR PROUD MAMA: If your daugh­ter’s half-sib­lings are be­ing raised as Je­ho­vah’s Wit­nesses, it would be against their re­li­gious be­liefs to at­tend her quincean­era. While I don’t think it would be over­step­ping to talk with your ex and his wife and ask if their girls can come, do not be sur­prised or take it per­son­ally if the an­swer is still no. Dear Abby is writ­ten by Abi­gail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Con­tact Dear Abby at www. DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los An­ge­les, CA 90069. For an ex­cel­lent guide to be­com­ing a bet­ter con­ver­sa­tion­al­ist and a more so­cia­ble per­son, or­der “How to Be Pop­u­lar.” Send your name and mail­ing ad­dress, plus cheque or money or­der for $7 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Pop­u­lar­ity Book­let, P.O. Box 447, Mount Mor­ris, IL 61054-0447. (Ship­ping and han­dling are in­cluded in the price.)

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