Woman an­gry with ir­re­spon­si­ble boyfriend’s ac­tions

The Guardian (Charlottetown) - - COMMUNITY/ENTERTAINMENT - Abi­gail Van Buren Dear Abby is writ­ten by Abi­gail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Con­tact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069. Good ad­vice for ev­ery­one — teens t

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend cheated on me the whole time I was preg­nant last year. He lived in Florida, and I lived in Mis­souri. He didn’t make it back for our son’s birth like he promised.

Now that he’s back, he stays out all night. He won’t get a job to help sup­port our fam­ily. He lies in bed all day, gets so drunk he can’t drive and doesn’t help out around the house, ei­ther. It’s ob­vi­ous that I should let him go. I’m 11 years older than he is, and he ob­vi­ously isn’t ready to grow up, even though he’s 30.

I love him, but I’m tired of be­ing treated this way. How can I get over this? — CAN’T LET GO IN KANSAS CITY

DEAR CAN’T LET GO: You say you are tired of be­ing treated that way? Con­grat­u­la­tions on your burst of clar­ity. It has fi­nally dawned on you that you have been en­abling a lazy, un­grate­ful, ir­re­spon­si­ble free­loader who has no re­spect for you or his child.

This isn’t “love.” You should have re­al­ized you would be rais­ing two chil­dren when he didn’t care enough to show up for the birth of the baby. Do what you know you must: Kick him out and move on.

DEAR ABBY: Last year was my son’s first year in kinder­garten. A child who was al­ler­gic to peanuts and soy, among other things, was in his class. There­fore, as a work­ing mom, quick-fix peanut but­ter sand­wiches were out of the ques­tion. The school is very cautious. They ac­tu­ally had a sep­a­rate ta­ble in the cafe­te­ria for chil­dren with al­ler­gies.

What started to bother me was the fact that be­cause one child had al­ler­gies, treats for the other 20 kids were pro­hib­ited — birth­day cakes, can­dies, cook­ies, any­thing with eggs, etc. This has con­tin­ued into Boy Scouts. Again, all the chil­dren have to go with­out be­cause of this one child.

What is ap­pro­pri­ate? Must all 20 kids ac­com­mo­date one so he doesn’t feel left out or does his mom start teach­ing her child that he has al­ler­gies and there are foods he can’t have? They aren’t go­ing to make a col­lege dorm free of peanut but­ter. Shouldn’t he start to un­der­stand that now, or must ev­ery­one adapt to his strict diet to make him com­fort­able?

I want to be able to make ginger­bread houses dur­ing the hol­i­day sea­son and have eggnog with the kids. I un­der­stand I should be grate­ful my child doesn’t suf­fer from these al­ler­gies, but what are the bound­aries? — JUST NEED TO KNOW IN CON­NECTI­CUT

DEAR JUST: This pre­cau­tion is not meant to be an in­con­ve­nience for you. It is meant to save lives. If you wish to cre­ate ginger­bread houses and make spe­cial treats for your chil­dren and their play­mates, noth­ing is stop­ping you. But they should not be taken to school if there is any chance the class­mate with al­ler­gies could some­how get ahold of one of them. It’s com­mon for chil­dren to trade lunches or share the com­po­nents with a friend, and one mis­take could re­sult in a trip to the hos­pi­tal or worse.

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