The write stuff

Today’s column is brought to you by the frustrating folks at Writer’s Block, long-time makers of nothing.

It’s the first time in a while I’ve had to wrestle with the block and it’s as frustrating as credit card interest.

For five straight hours, I’ve sat in front of my computer and have no less than six half-written columns to show for my time.

I’ve started two on my son’s sleepover. The first about sleep deprivation and the second on the exhausting amount of potty talk that takes place overnight between a group of eight- and nine-year-olds. Let’s just say I was pooped.

A piece about a recent charity basketball game involving Fred Fox, Terry’s brother, wasn’t quite ready to be written. I’ll revisit that one in the coming weeks, because Terry Fox is one of my heroes, what he did still amazes me and it’s important to remind people.

I began an item on having to introduce my paper’s owner at a social event last week. My only joke bombed at the event, so I was leery about trying to base 500 words around it.

A column about misheard lyrics was started but requires some research because I swear the words to the Trooper song are “Raise a little owl.”

And, inspired by the Netflix series “Riverdale,” I wrote the intro to a column that will include an anecdote from the time I guest-hosted a radio callin show.

“Moose in Sesame Park,” the computer screen in front of me read.

So in the mic I said something like, “We’re going to go to Moose on Line Three. Hello, Moose, what’s on your mind tonight?”

In my headset, the producer corrected me. “No, Steve, there’s an actual moose in Sesame Park.”

Anyway, I didn’t get enough of the right words to complete any of these columns, or to wax poetic on the other topics considered, including my old German Sheppard Zeke, coaching minor hockey, or having to do French Immersion homework when I don’t have the sweetest clue what’s being said. Je ne parle pas français. (Thank you, Google Translate!)

So, with my deadline and, more importantly, dinner looming, I decided to pen a column on writer’s block, which my online dictionary describes as “the condition of being unable to think of what to write or how to proceed with writing.”

I can really identify with the latter, because I’m unable to think of how to proceed from here.

Maybe something profound and important, like “When there’s less professional journalism, Trump happens!”

Or how about a Game of Thrones reference? Winter is coming. And hopefully I have enough Air Miles for a trip to Florida.

Or why not a rhyme? There was a politician from Atlantic Canada … Oh, I got nothing else on this one. Can you rhyme Canada?

OK, enough is enough. Normally, I try to wrap my column up with a deep ending, but it’s time for a word from today’s sponsors …