The weirdness of flying
Air travel is a weird exercise. Not only are you venturing where for centuries only birds went, you’re doing so in the company of a wider crosssection of humanity than you’ll likely encounter anywhere else.
Here are some of the odder sights and sensations I’ve encountered:
The socks set: It’s a fact of life: feet swell.
But does that really mean passengers should unsheath their stinky extremities and pad about the cabin as if they were in their own bedroom? Most disturbing: Watching passengers trudge into and out of the bathrooms with nothing between skin and who-knows-what but a thin layer of cotton.
Daytime binge drinking: Yes, airport bars generally open the same time as the airport does. But is it wise to be downing gin and tonics at 9 a.m. — even if it’s midnight where you came from?
Not only do you risk missing your flight should you get too, er, distracted, but alcohol will make recovering from jet lag far more difficult, as it will dehydrate you. Not to mention that it could mean you’re still impaired when you get off the flight and have to drive to your final destination.
Shopping: Many airports look just as much like malls as transit hubs these days, so the temptation to sleep is there. But doesn’t everyone over the age of 14 know that anything you buy after you’ve passed security will be double or triple the regular price? That goes for duty-free goods, too. Anything you save in taxes will be eaten up by the markup.
High-intensity hovering: There’s something about the departure gate that brings out panic in many travellers. Long before any seating is called, about 20 per cent of the passengers will be shifting uneasily from foot to foot in front of the gate. They form a human obstacle course for the elite members who get to board early (not that I’m upset about that). I understand that the overheadbin space is tight, what with everyone trying to avoid luggage fees. But you and your bag will get on, sister, so please let me pass.
Security-gate guzzlers: It’s been at least a decade since liquids have been banned from airport security. But some people still seem surprised when their Big Gulps are taken away before heading to the security checkpoint. Worse is when they block the line, trying to chug the last of their drink before putting the last of their bags on the moving belt. Cheers — and hurry up!