Secrets make relationships shaky
Q - My fiancee keeps asking me to show her where I used to live.
However, I’m trying to put that part of my life behind me.
My ex-girlfriend is no longer with us. I raised her three children. Their biological father has taken his kids back and I was forced to leave the house, which was owned by her aunt.
I love my current fiancee more than anything, but she’s threatening that our relationship will end or not move forward if I don’t show her or take her to the house I lived in for 18 miserable years.
I want to move forward with this most amazing woman but she won’t let it go.
That part of my life ruined me. What do I do about her demand?
Ugly Past
A - There’s too much mystery as to what you endured for 18 “miserable” years.
That could be why your fiancee, potentially about to share your life, wants to see and know more about your past.
You haven’t divulged many details here, and not enough for her either, to understand your not wanting to even let her see the house.
She may have doubts about your story, or think you should’ve fought for the children, or wondered why you didn’t have some rights to the house.
Though your past is about you, your future, if it proceeds as you wish, will make her an equal partner.
She deserves a clear explanation.
Q - I met a guy eight months ago. He’d moved to my city to find work for a while and had intended moving back to his own city last spring.
We both felt something different for each other than either of us had ever experienced before.
After dating for a few months, he suggested that I meet his mom, and we drove to his city. He later took me there again to meet all of his family and friends.
He initially stayed here because of me and said I was perfect for him.
But after we returned from the second trip, I sensed that things were different.
Eventually, he said he might want to move back home and is scared to keep being with me in case I couldn’t come with him. Then we’d both be hurt.
He finally ended it, saying he now thought that he wasn’t ready for a serious relationship.
He left three months ago, yet we text every few days - casually, or just updates.
It turns out that I’m moving near his city for school, and he said he’d visit me there.
I still really like him but I assume he broke up with me because he lost feelings for me. Yet everything was so good until he talked about moving.
Do we still have a chance? Left Confused
A - There’s always a chance when two people have strong feelings for each other.
He had them, but either recognized he wasn’t ready to ask you to move when he (at the time) didn’t have steady work, and you were pursuing further education.
Now your next school is not that far from him, so you’ll be able to spend some time and see if the feelings are still there.
You may both still have too much ahead - a steady job for him, finishing school for you - to make a serious commitment.
It’s likely that’s what he realized and why he returned to his city and family.
Stay in contact and when you next meet, don’t rush him or yourself. That only creates short-term drama.
TIP OF THE DAY
Secrets and mysteries make relationships feel shaky from doubts and lack of trust.