CAUTIONARY TALE FOR STAR
Turns out there were plenty of red flags, if only Khloe Kardashian had paid attention
Turns out there were plenty of red flags, if only Khloe Kardashian had paid attention, says pop culture columnist
Khloe Kardashian is the tallest of the Kardashian women, the most likeable of the Kardashian women and the Kardashian who has the worst luck with men.
Yes, Khloe has worse luck than Kourtney, whose baby daddy once shoved money into a waiter’s mouth while partying in Vegas. She also has worse luck than Kim, who was once married for 72 days.
Way back in 2009, a simpler time when Barack Obama was president and Susan Boyle was going viral, Khloe married basketball player Lamar Odom. Her happily ever after played out on her reality show, but a few years into their marriage things took a dramatic turn. Lamar got a DUI, he was unfaithful to Khloe. So eventually Khloe filed for divorce and Lamar almost died at a brothel. I’m no Chris Harrison, when I say “dramatic” I mean it.
All is well that ends well though, because Lamar seems to be doing much better and Khloe went on to fall in love with another basketball player, Tristan Thompson. Girl, maybe try an accountant next.
Khloe and Tristan started dating in September 2016, while his ex-girlfriend was pregnant with his baby. While some would say, “that’s too messy of a situation for me to get involved in,” Khloe said, “let’s go jet skiing in Mexico”.
Things seemed downright blissful for the couple, as their love was plastered all over Instagram.
In December 2017, Khloe announced she and Tristan were expecting a child. In April, just a few weeks before Khloe was due, Tristan was caught cheating at New York City club. TMZ also released footage from another cheating incident back in October.
The stress pushed Khloe into labour and she gave birth, she likely channelled her rage at Tristan into a couple of good pushes and out came their baby girl, True Thompson.
In case you missed them, here are the red flags:
If you meet a guy and he already has another girl pregnant, you should Usain Bolt out of there. Everywhere you look there are guys that don’t have pregnant ex-girlfriends – look over there at the park. The single guy whose only tie is his adorable springer spaniel. Or look at work. Your eligible coworker whose only responsibilities are paying his cellphone bill and calling his mom on Sundays. At the mall? There’s a guy who has disposable income to spend on trendy sneakers instead of diapers.
If you’ve been dating a guy for around a year, try dating him for another two to five years before you stop taking your birth control. Of course, there are exceptions, but if he is a professional athlete and you have a bad dating track record, it’s best to error on the side of caution. You want to know someone in every season, every level of hungry, and every fluctuating weight before you commit to raising a child with them. I’d even like to see all of those things before committing to a gold fish.
The final red flag was being Khloe Kardashian, unavoidable for Khloe, but luckily completely avoidable for you.
Keely Turner takes a look at pop culture through the eyes of an Island girl with a big city attitude. She’s also a pretty rad entrepreneur, marketing specialist and writer. Her column, Keelywood, will appear monthly in The Guardian. Reach out to her by email at keelymturner@gmail.com or on Instagram, Twitter or Snapchat. Search for Keely Turner.