Partner with secret past deserves hearing

Q - I was on Cloud 9 when I met my then-girlfriend, who’s now my wife of several months. She’s witty, charming, attractive, funny, loving and affectionate.

We had a dream life. Until her ex-best friend came into the picture.

This woman claims that my wife had unpaid debts which she insists that I settle, though stemming from long before we’d met.

My wife’s unaware that her ex-friend approached me to settle her debts. I refused, and told the woman that I wasn’t interested.

Then this “friend” dropped a bombshell on me, asserting that my wife had worked as an exotic dancer at adult establishments which later progressed to her offering intimate companionship services as an escort.

I didn’t want to believe her but after conducting some extensive sleuthing I learned that it’s all true.

Her ex-friend shared with me a sex tape that shows my wife engaging in intimacy with at least 10 men during one of her paid encounters.

I’m very angry and troubled by these upsetting revelations.

Please note that this letter is NOT a critical chastisement of sex trade workers. I sympathize with the plight of women who opt for work in occupations that come with inherent risks.

I’ve not yet raised this with my wife and am unsure how to do so.

She was previously known by a different name, had lived in a different city, etc., none of which she shared with me.

If she was seeking a fresh start at life, I’d have appreciated if she’d disclosed all this to me upfront when we started dating.

I’m seriously considering speaking to a lawyer and even contemplating divorce. Please advise.

Duped and Deceived

A - Some readers may doubt the authenticity of your letter, due to its almost Hollywoodlike dramatic storyline.

However, I receive enough tales of far more outlandish situations and relationships that I will take this one at your word.

Two major red flags in this story: 1) The informant is no ex“friend,” but rather a nasty, jealous, conniving person who tried to shake you down for money for her.

If she persists, have a lawyer deal with her claims.

2) You adored your wife and loved your life with her, yet you rush to consider divorce before even talking to her about her past.

She deserves a hearing. Yes, you also deserved the truth, but if the facts are real and if you truly “sympathize with the plight of women who opt for work in (risky) occupations,” then listen with an open mind.

Hear her story. Take some time to decide - maybe with counselling help - if you can accept her past. If not, then part amicably, she hasn’t ruined your life and now has her own disappointments to handle.

Q – I’m not an adult. My best friend is boy crazy and desperate for a boyfriend! But she discriminates against any other race but Caucasian.

She gets annoying. I think her discrimination needs to stop. I tell her that any race of boys can be “cute,” but she doesn’t listen.

My Bestie Discriminates

A – You’re both young but very different. You’re openminded; she’s closed-minded, with racist attitudes.

You’re a caring friend; she seeks attention from many.

Mostly, young people who hold prejudices against other races learn these from their parents and/or a community of bigoted adults. She may even be afraid of having a boyfriend who’s “different.”

I predict you won’t tolerate her attitudes for long. Meanwhile, change the topic. It IS annoying.