Abigail Van Buren
I’m a 35-year-old gay man who has been in a serious relationship for five years. During the last year, my significant other, “Grady,” has grown very close with a female co-worker of mine he met at my office party. (I’ll call her Tina.) They have become inseparable, and when they aren’t hanging out, he’s constantly texting and calling her.
At first I didn’t have a problem with it, but lately I’m getting some strange vibes. Grady always said he was never attracted to women, but I have caught him ogling Tina when she’s at our pool in her bikini. He acts like a jealous boyfriend when men approach her and even ran off a couple she briefly dated.
Yesterday there was a fire in the building where I work, and everyone was forced to evacuate. Last night I discovered that when Grady heard it on the radio, he left his job to come and get Tina and drive her home. Not once did he attempt to contact me to see how I was doing.
When I confronted him, he argued that Tina doesn’t have a car (which is true), and said he was worried because she’s “just a kid.” But, Abby, she’s NOT a kid. Tina is 25 years old and capable of calling a taxi or asking for a ride. I told him that rather than leave work, he could have called me and asked me to drive her home. Later he admitted that she hadn’t tried to contact him – that his worry drove him to come and get her, which indicates to me that something more is going on.
Am I overreacting like he says, or should I be worried I’m about to lose my man? – JEALOUS IN TEXAS
DEAR JEALOUS: Grady does seem fixated on Tina. I have heard of straight men repressing their homosexual feelings until they are middle-aged, so I suppose it’s possible for a gay man to discover that he’s bisexual. That said, I’m not sure you are overreacting. Whether Tina is a threat to your relationship only he can answer.
If Grady is willing to go with you, relationship counselling should be available at your nearest gay and lesbian community centre. I suggest this because the two of you may need an unbiased referee to prevent an honest conversation about your feelings from degenerating into an argument.
My in-laws (whom I love) stay with us twice a year and we entertain them while they’re here. Whenever they are in town, my husband’s ex-wife insists on meeting them for lunch.
It has been 10 years since my husband and his ex were divorced. They have adult children. Her inclusion hurts my feelings, and I suspect my in-laws are just afraid of hurting the ex’s feelings. She is remarried, too. How would you feel? – TIRED OF IT IN TENNESSEE
DEAR TIRED: I would feel less threatened than you apparently do, and this is how I would handle it: I’d keep the visit positive, and realize the ex is ancient history. I would not let her presence ruin the visit. Your in-laws are adults. If they didn’t want to see her, they would find a way to tell her that they couldn’t fit her in. If necessary, I would also remind myself that their having lunch with her has nothing to do with the relationship they have with me, which is what I recommend you do.
For the past eight seasons, Ceilidh in the City has welcomed back members of the Island’s first rock ‘n’ roll band as special musical guests for the show that falls during Old Home Week in Charlottetown.
And this year is no exception. The “trip down memory lane” show is Wednesday, Aug. 15, 7:30 p.m., at Jack Blanchard Family Centre, 7 Pond St. The doors will open at 6:30 p.m. for general admission.
The band was the Tremtones and former members Doug MacEwen and Niall MacKay will be two of the special guests performing on a night filled with classic 50’s and 60’s rock’n’roll. Joining them is Jimi Platts, an Island guitar player and singer who, like these two musicians has had a long and celebrated music career on national and
“Sometimes we think that if we sort of push them out of the house, away from the TV... that they’ll just be active, it’s just what kids do. And what we’ve found is that’s true for some kids, for certain, but for a lot of kids it isn’t and they need that extra support and encouragement,” he says.
“It’s possible that what’s happening here is kids are getting those skills from their experiences local stages.
They will be joining the weekly hosts of the ceilidh, Kendall Docherty, Peter Burke, Heartz Godkin and Brian Knox to celebrate this annual tradition. Group in sport and organized play and they’re actually practising and they’re using them, they’re engaging them on their own. And that’s a good thing.”
Still, there are negative experiences in structured sport, Cairney acknowledges.
He encourages parents considering an organized sport for their child to ask questions first: Is the focus on competition, or having fun and making friends? Will they learn skills in a way that’s nonthreatening? reservations can be made by calling Kendall at 902-569-1133 or Brian at 902-569-3327, you can also learn more about this and upcoming Ceilidhs online at facebook.com/CeilidhInTheCity Kids who enjoy sports tend to identify two reasons — that it’s fun and they can make friends, he says.
Parents should also let kids gravitate to what they’re interested in, and understand that they may switch interests over time, he says.
The study is available online and will be published in the September edition of Medicine & Science in Sports & Exercise.