My knighthood cost less than $100

managed to buy before they were cut off.)

“It’s a charge from Amazon,” she said bluntly. “You’ll have to call them.”

I did. Amazon assured me I was important to them and…

“Hello, how my I help you,” said the voice on the other side of the line, clearly someone at a call centre probably in India. It must be nearly midnight there.

I explained my problem. Just a few security questions first, he said apologetically. My address. I got it right. My postal code. I remember the first half, then nothing. BW filled in the rest.

“Thank you very much,” the man with the delightfully singsong accent said. “And your name, sir.”

“Rick MacLean.”

“Very good. May I call you by your first name, sir.” “Sure.”

“Thank you, Sir Rick.”

It’s hard to even pretend you’re annoyed when you’re being called Sir Rick.

Five minutes and being put on hold twice failed to solve the problem.

“But if you don’t mind Sir Rick, I’ll transfer you to our accounts section.” Knights can afford to be generous, so I thanked him and moved on.

“Yes dear,” said the woman from somewhere in the southern U.S. “It appears someone ordered two-day delivery on three pairs of socks and you were automatically given a free month of our prime service.”

I looked at BW. Silence. “But if you’d like us to cancel that service, dear, we’ll certainly refund your money.”

Yes and done. I was about to hang up when BW chimed in to Ms. Southern Accent.

“I was trying to buy him the special running socks for HIS birthday and was in a rush to make sure they arrived. So that makes it his fault, doesn’t it?” A laugh from the southern U.S. “It sure does, dear. We girls have to stick together.”

I said nothing. Newly minted knights know when to surrender the field.