Ellie Tesher

Q - I’m still in love with my ex eight months after we broke up.

I reached out to him recently, told him I missed him. He said he misses me too.

Previously, when I’ve texted him, I’ve told him not to respond if he doesn’t feel the same way.

This time he did, saying that he left his old job to have a normal regular job, and that he’d like to start over again.

I said, yes we can.

But he says he won’t be around my kids or family because he’s broken up with me over stuff that could’ve been repaired, and my family loves him.

He lacks on communication skills, and I lack trust because of my past.

We had sex when we met up recently. But he also told me about a girl he’d met.

He’d told her that, because of their distance and the fact that she buys him stuff, he thinks they should stop talking.

He told me she’s moving too fast with him, as they only met a month before.

I texted him recently and he didn’t even respond even though I know he loves me.

I need some helpful tips to taking things slow, not overreacting and my not being so impulsive.

A Second Chance?

A - Helpful hint: Only text in response or when there’s something important to say.

You’ve already both said you miss each other. Advice

BUT, after having breakup sex, he told you about his month-long involvement with another woman.

That’s his signal that he’s not ready to get fully involved again, as well as not ready to re-connect with your family.

With such mixed messages from him, you need to slow down the contact. And be less available.

If not, he can get together with you for sex when he wants, and still see where his recent “relationship” takes him.

For now, trust yourself more than him “missing” someone is natural after being close, but protect your self-respect.

Without full trust in him, overreacting or acting impulsively just confuses the main issue, that it’s time to move on.

Readers’ Commentary: Regarding the woman who wants her best friend to be a sperm donor but not “a father” to the prospective child (September 4):

“Over 30 years, adoption reunions have become normalized. So is contact among ‘donor’ siblings.

“Every child has the right to full knowledge of his or her parents, so should this woman and man make an arrangement that they keep secret from their child?

“Many spouses describe each other as their “best friend.” In the case of a child’s “mother’s best friend,” there’s no reason why a child shouldn’t expect normal child support from her father - the man who’s her mother’s “best friend.”

“What if the child wants a normal relationship with her daddy? How does a loving mother want to deprive her child of that (emotional) support?

“I doubt she could maintain a relationship of integrity with her child without considering the full scope of her agreement with her “best friend.”

“How can she predict her own and her child’s future - medically, educationally, and otherwise - regarding predictable and unpredictable circumstances that might arise?

“Similarly, neither she nor her friend know how he’ll feel or what he’ll want or not want in years and decades ahead.

“Anyone who wants to have a child wants what’s best for the child. That has to start with respect for the child and his/her human rights.”

TIP OF THE DAY “Break-up sex” is just that, a moment of contact, not a commitment, which would require renewed trust.