Get counselling before moving on

Q - This is a second question about my boyfriend of six months with whom I already have trust issues.

I also feel jealous from his insensitive comments that hurt and angered me.

I’m jealous when he’s nice to random females like waitresses. I distrust him when he’s overly friendly to my female friends (he touched one on her back) and too nice to them.

I felt insecure when we shared our sex fantasy. His was big boobs (mine are small). He’s mentioned that certain clothes don’t suit me because I don’t have big boobs.

I can’t get past those little comments that hurt me. I’m insecure and weak emotionally.

We both want to have a deep, healthy relationship. But from these hurts, I feel that our relationship is shallow.

Most of the fault is mine because I’m holding onto his early mistake (communicating with his ex for two weeks after we started dating).

I was aggressive, threatening and expressed my anger a lot then. He was generous and tolerant but now he’s lost energy for it, and I can’t be positive or confident anymore.

I want to stay together and be happybut feel anxious about our relationship and about myself.

Is he just not the right guy for me? I still think he’s a good guy, but I have negative feelings. He doesn’t make me feel secure.

The Wrong Guy?

A - He may be a good guy, and he’s certainly shown strong feelings for you since he’s stayed through six months of your sometimes-aggressive anger.

However, if he’s regularly flirting with other women, that’s a no-no as is body-shaming you about small breasts (which he must stop). But it’s also possible that no man’s presently able to be “right” for you until you get therapy to address your insecurity and anger.

Once you’re involved in that process and understand more about yourself, couples’ counselling would either improve things or make it clear to you both that it’s time to move on.

Don’t rush counselling or avoid it or you’ll likely carry insecurity to the next relationship.

Ellie’s tip of the day: When a relationship has you feeling insecure, counselling can reveal whether it comes from within you or him/her.