Woman needs time to heal

Q— I was engaged for six and a half years. He broke my heart several times. I put up with his constant mood swings.

Last year I became pregnant. We’re both 47 and both already had kids. But we agreed it was good.

We didn’t live together. He always had excuses.

Just before my scheduled delivery date I wasn’t feeling well. I was heart-broken to learn there was no heartbeat. I left him messages and sent texts.

I had to give birth to my dead daughter. Meanwhile, my fiance blocked me and cancelled my phone.

He told our friends that I faked it and left him. Once-close friends and his family wanted to see a death certificate. Not one asked how I was or visited me in the hospital.

Am I justified not giving in and showing them the death certificate? He already moved on three days after our daughter’s death and his actions.

I’m having a hard time because I still love a man who never loved me, but I do see now that with his lies and cheating I lost myself for a long time.

I think showing them proof won't make a difference. Is it okay to just let them say what they want?

Devastated

A— You owe nothing to those people who question the sad, lonely, emotional ordeal you experienced, delivering a stillbirth.

Ignore their callous, nasty insinuations.

Your ex is also unworthy of your time and thoughts. He lied and cheated when in a relationship with you, then cut off contact when you needed him most.

You’re still experiencing grief/ trauma over your loss.

Find support. Ask your doctor for referral to a stillbirth-related grief clinic, or a grief-counsellor. Spend time with family and friends you trust. Avoid all others who upset you. You need to heal, not to satisfy others’ toxic suspicions.

Ellie's tip of the day: Shut out toxic gossipers and get help to heal yourself from an emotional loss.