Lawyer’s letter ends harassment

Q- My younger sister’s boyfriend of five years (since late high-school) began treating her badly over a year ago.

My sister is very smart and was working hard at university, as was he, to hopefully get into medical school together.

However, her boyfriend started to tell her she’d never reach her goal.

He said she didn’t have the brains or the right personal qualities (which he claimed he possessed) to become a doctor.

He undermined her self-confidence so badly she’d have crying fits and would miss classes some days.

She hid all this from our parents. I covered for her sometimes, because she swore me to secrecy lest they insist she leave school.

Finally, her boyfriend revealed that there couldn’t be two doctors in his future household, so he was breaking up with her.

Devastated at first, she recovered somewhat over the summer. She’s back at school taking courses towards her goal.

Unfortunately, he’s also there (they both live in their parents’ homes in our city), but she is trying very hard to avoid and/or ignore him.

However, he still finds reasons to talk to her, suggesting they study together, collaborate on a project, etc.

She’s seeking advice from me, as she feels our parents will overreact. What do you suggest?

Worried Sister

A- She’s lucky to have your strong support, and definitely needs it.

If at any time you feel she’s again in danger from this guy’s emotional abuse, gather all her support forces, including your parents and the university’s student services.

She needs counselling to bolster her resistance to someone with whom she was close through many young years.

Under family consideration should be: sending him a lawyer’s letter describing how he badgered her and risks being reported to the university and the police unless he ends all contact; her changing schools for the courses she needs (if a move to another is possible and affordable) and getting a police restraining order against her ex-boyfriend if that becomes necessary.

Ellie’s tip of the day

A lawyer’s warning letter about a police restraining order are two approaches to ending harassment.

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Send relationship questions to ellie@thestar.ca. Follow @ellieadvice.