Winning the battle against self-harm
Ashley Bernstein is sharing the story of her journey in the hopes of helping others
REGINA – Ashley Bernstein always had a smile on her face.
Positive and social, she was willing to be involved in any school activity while attending university. When she wasn’t in class, she was out dancing every night.
Under that exuberant surface was a lot of pain.
“I always tell people I had a good mask on my face,” says the 28-year-old Regina woman, who publicly came forward around 2013 that she had been self-harming for the previous 10 years.
Now having gone through a journey of healing, Bernstein advocates for awareness of mental health issues by sharing her story with youth and writing about her experiences on her blog .
“Mental health is nothing to be embarrassed about. It’s a part of life, and we all deal with mental health and mental illness, either directly or indirectly,” says Bernstein.
Bernstein juggles so many responsibilities, it’s easy to forget she’s only human. She’s a youth care worker at Ranch Ehrlo Society, an organization that provides education and support programs for young people. Many of her clients are going through the same struggles she did.
On her own time, Bernstein volunteers with Understand Us, a charity that goes to high schools to educate youth about mental health.
Bernstein wants to make helping people her career. She majored in sociology at the University of Regina and plans to earn a master’s degree in clinical social work.
As if all that didn’t keep her busy enough, Bernstein is in her sixth season as a member of the Saskatchewan Roughriders cheerleading team, coaches the University of Regina’s dance team and teaches dance lessons. Her favourite type of dance is jazz.
Bernstein‘s past struggles aren’t immediately noticeable upon meeting her, but she still carries the effects on her body. There are lines of scars on her left forearm, as well as on her right thigh, where she would cut herself. The scars have faded thanks to cosmetic medical treatments she underwent in 2017, but they are still visible.
That’s fine, because Bernstein isn’t interested in hiding that part of her life. She even refers to them as battle scars.
“I kind of wear them with pride, because I made it through that tough time, and I’m able to share my journey of that time now and be proud of it,” she says.
Overtop of the scars on her arm is a tattoo of a circle that looks like it was made with a paintbrush stroke. The tattoo, which is of an enso symbol, is meant to represent her journey and the imperfections within it.
“I think it’s important for people to know that nobody’s perfect and nobody lives a perfect life,” she says.
Self-harming does not signal suicidal tendencies. It’s an unhealthy way for someone to cope with their emotions, explains Donna Bowyer, the program director for training and education with the Canadian Mental Health Association’s Saskatchewan division.
Self-injury is more common in youth, who can start as young as 10 years old. There isn’t one singular reason why someone starts self-harming.
Bowyer compares it to a volcano. A person’s emotions build up inside them until they can’t take it anymore.
“When they self-harm it’s like they relieve that pressure,” says Bowyer.