Time to make some changes

Q– I’m a woman, age 30, who has had two previous serious relationships and experienced the same problem in both.

Men are attracted to my sexy appearance and wardrobe style, but then want me to change.

Back in high school, I wasn’t very popular, so as soon as I could afford it, I took courses (makeup artist, hair and wardrobe stylist). By my early-20s, I’d perfected my look, using my sexuality as my fallback approach for entering a room.I’m always the Sexy Girl that guys all notice first, even the married ones.

Recently, two of my closest girlfriends admitted that it’s annoying as hell and said they believed it had caused my previous break-ups.

I realized that they’re right. Both men who’d initially been crazy about me, eventually wanted me to “tone it down” so that I didn’t attract so much attention from other guys.

I resented their trying to control and change me and broke up those relationships.

Now, I feel ready for a longterm relationship – hopefully, marriage. But I’m unsure how to be “me” without my false eyelashes, hair extensions and slinky clothes.

Scared to Change Myself

A - The change you’re seeking is about self-confidence in the person you are.

Like a self-directed actor, you’ve relied for years on costumes and props to express an outgoing personality and attract men.

Many didn’t get past those flashy signals to realize how smart and ambitious you’d been in creating your image.

It worked for you. But not now, when you want mutual respect with true intimacy which involves being nakedly honest about your inner self.

You may be able to strip off some artifice on your own. If not, a therapist can help you see your true reflection that doesn’t only exist through makeup.

You won’t have to throw it all away. Just get comfortable with all that you’ve learned about yourself and accomplished from real abilities.