Woman’s heart in the right place

Q- My brother’s girlfriend has been my best friend since we were 14.

He was 17 and wouldn’t date her. But she was always around. By 20, he took her for granted, which she accepted, even when I knew he went out with his boyfriends drinking and picking up girls. But I said nothing.

He got a good job and at 24 was making decent money, so she wanted to get married. He let her dream of it, then one day he just disappeared. He sent my parents a message that he was OK, not to worry. He didn’t contact anyone else. My best friend was relieved he was OK and said he’d come back to her.

My older brother did a search and discovered he’d had a baby with another woman. I let him tell my friend because I couldn’t.

My question: There’s a baby boy related to us living not far away, who we don’t know.

I’m feeling a need to be that baby’s aunt. I found the mother’s number and called her.

She’s a single mom and said she loves my brother but knows he’s not going to live with her, so she welcomes anyone who’s family to her son. Am I being a horrible friend to the woman my brother has abandoned, if I visit this baby and his mom? Do I tell my friend?

Aunt or Best Friend?

A- Your heart and your mind are working together, not in conflict.

The desire to embrace a fatherless baby boy as family is who you are – caring about people, especially those you can help.

And you care about your best friend. You were too loyal a sister to disclose his behaviour with other girls, but you’re all adults now.

He’s gone, she’s still close to you and the baby and his mother need your heartfelt interest. Your brother’s future is unknown, but right now you have a new nephew to care about. Tell your best friend and hope that she understands.

Feedback regarding the man who feared his wife was poisoning him (Sept. 23):

Reader: Great letter! But you perhaps should’ve suggested he avoid mushrooms altogether until his fears are allayed or confirmed.

Reading your column often makes me wonder how some people function day-to-day. It’s always a happy reminder of how fortunate I am in my family and friends.

Ellie: Here’s the difference between people reading for entertainment, personal gratitude or just curiosity (your appreciation of family/friends is a happy by-product) and my reading of a letter to discern how to offer meaningful advice:

The letter-writer stated that his wife has a boyfriend in another country, but the pandemic is keeping them apart.

He states that “she knows or thinks” that because of their age difference (she’s 25 years younger than he) his death “wouldn’t appear suspicious”.

He needs to call Poison Control and talk to a poison specialist.