Try letting go of past hurts

Q– I’m a woman, 29, living in a very happy relationship with my fiancè and doing very well in my job.

I have a few good friends who I trust.

But there are two people who hurt me whom I cannot trust or get over what they did.

One is a work colleague who made many attempts to undermine me to our boss. The other is my father who let his second wife cut me from their life when I was a pre-teen.

Am I obligated to forgive the two people who’ve hurt me so deeply and affected my self-confidence? Can’t Forgive and Forget A- Your only obligation is to yourself.

If you could mentally/emotionally heal these wounds, you’d feel free of your colleague’s poison (he apparently failed to damage your work reputation) and free of your father’s weakness and betrayal (to focus instead on your happy engagement and future).

No, you’re not obliged to forgive those two, unless it’s an integral part of a faith that sustains you. Your father abandoned his moral duty to love and protect you as his child. The colleague revealed a nasty envy that could’ve hindered your success.

Their lives are cramped by their meanness. By contrast, yours can be open and confident. They don’t deserve your forgiveness. But you deserve the personal gains from putting these hurts behind you.

It may be harder regarding your father. Remember, his action wasn’t your fault. Consider counselling help.

Then forgive yourself for harbouring the hurt for so long.

Feedback Regarding the husband’s wife of 21 years who has long had two-week wave cycles of difficult/nasty behaviour (Sept. 30):

Reader: She has post-menstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD), a more severe form of premenstrual syndrome.

I have the same problem. For two weeks, I'm happy, confident, hardworking and positive. Then next, I'm tired, fatigued, angry, depressed, even suicidal.

It’s completely predictable and my boyfriend has also come to expect/predict it. It's like I'm two different people.

So, it's not a mood disorder. It's her menstrual cycle (possibly also affected by menopause). She should see a specialist. And her husband should hang in there with her.

Ellie: Despite the previous feedbacks that affirmed this same view, I found this one warranted exposure, too. Two reasons:

1. The boyfriend’s understanding and acceptance of his partner’s hormonal/ emotional reaction without blame.

2. Seeking a medical specialist’s diagnosis/treatment of a difficult physical/mental health issue, as early as possible.