Time to warn co-worker of consequences

Q– When is a married partner’s affair a cry for help versus when it’s an escape route?

My close colleague at work is cheating on his wife, yet he calls her several times daily, asks how her working-fromhome day is going, discusses their two daughters’ online schooling with her, even tells her what he had for lunch.

But he leaves out the real reason for “working late tonight”, which includes slipping off to his girlfriend’s apartment for a couple of hours.

I know all this because, since our company had us return to working in the office, we’re a small crew and not much is able to stay private.

The problem for me is that I know and think highly of his wife.

They’ve been married for 14 years. She has been the backbone of their family – quietly capable of everything that’s needed to keep the household and daughters’ lives going smoothly, while she has also advanced in her own career.

Her husband is a showboater who always has his eye on the next level of success.

I wonder, is this other woman just a distraction from work stress? Or is he hiding dissatisfaction with his current home life and preparing to make a total break?

Do I have any responsibility to prepare his wife for when she discovers what’s going on? Uncomfortable Witness A– There’s a positive role you can play instead of being a snitch (making the workplace uncomfortable for you both).

Alert this colleague that he’s headed for a fall from grace both in his marriage, family life and his career, when his affair’s discovered (usually inevitable).

When his lying and sneaking around are exposed, his motive won’t matter at work. Someone trying to rise to the top isn’t considered as smart or valuable to the company once a lack of good judgment becomes evident.

And in a small office of coworkers, such blatant disrespect for a spouse and family becomes distasteful to all.

If you tell him so, he’ll likely distance from you. Do it anyway. He has already lost your previous respect for him.

It’s hard to consider his actions a cry for help, since he has apparently not discussed any marital problems with his wife (that’s why he’s sneaking around).

But seeking distraction with another woman – risking his family’s health during a pandemic – may eventually have him tossed out by his wife.

Your potential talk with him may be the best thing that can happen for him, before it’s too late.

Q– My husband and I, both Canadian-born, lived in the United States when our kids were young, moved home for several years and are now back in the U.S., all for his job.

Currently, I just want to be in Canada with my parents, siblings and extended family. But our kids, now in university, want to stay here.

My husband will accept whatever I want.

I’m afraid that I won’t be able to travel back and forth as much as before. Or, I won’t see my children. How do I make this tough decision in this pandemic climate? Dual Citizen

A– Canada’s borders have been closed to the U.S., against non-essential travel, since the pandemic, and originally set till Nov. 21, but barring any changes in the days after I write this column, opening up may still remain uncertain.

For now, stay where your children can come home if necessary and keep close online contact with your Canadian family.