Ultimatum doesn’t make sense

Q– I’m 49 and met the woman of my dreams five years ago. We've been having problems because I’d previously lived with my ex for 20 years. I’ve never lived alone.

I moved back with my parents four years ago and she was OK with that. But last year, she insisted that I get my own place.

She’s a couple years older than me and owns her house. She has said it’s time for me to have my own place where she can decompress, sleep there, come-and-go.

We now pass weeks without contact. But breaking up isn’t an option for me.

I’m scared to live alone. It’s partly because I’d be abandoning my elderly parents when they need me.

Though we’re magical together, she blocks my coming to her house and doing things, which is causing the physical flame to dwindle.

Is there a way to make this work? She’s welcomed here anytime. My parents think the world of her.

Why is she doing this? I can’t go on not seeing her for weeks.

She gets so angry she disappears to cool off and then we see each other and it's magical again.

Then, it's again “No” to everything unless I get my own place.

She always says we’ve invested five years; she loves me, and termination isn’t an option. Heavy-Hearted

A- When something makes no sense, you’re missing what it’s really all about.

The woman you love has issued an ultimatum that challenges how you’ve always lived.

It may relate to your fear of living alone, since even before you worried about your parents.

She may be worrying about your eventually moving into her place, with the possibility you’d become a common-law couple (and claim part ownership if you split up.)

She also may fear your becoming dependent on her, as you don’t mention having a job.

You’re deeply in love but you need answers, not just orders. E.g.: Why is this so important to her? Why can’t she “decompress” at home?

No matter how magical things can be for you two, she has arbitrarily changed the pattern of four years. Maybe she’s wise and is only thinking of your benefit.

But you need to insist on knowing more logical reasons than she’s offered so far. Currently, she’s saying it’s her way or you don’t get to see her.

This relationship won’t work until you find out why.