The Guardian (Charlottetown)

Couple no longer connecting

Wife should talk to her doctor about menopause and its effects

- ELLIE TESHER ellie@thestar.ca @ellieadvic­e

Q- My wife, late-40s, has been experienci­ng early menopause for a couple of years.

I get it and don’t want to add to her stress. I love her, but I need/miss sexual relations, which she’s not into.

I don’t want to push her, but I’m not much older than her and want to find a willing partner who may be in the same position of wanting a sex-only relationsh­ip.

What should I do? Missing Sex

A- Be careful what you wish for. Opening the door to an outside relationsh­ip – even if your wife agrees – can ultimately close the door on the love, trust and respect you now have for each other.

While you express empathy for your wife’s menopausal journey, it’s important to more closely understand the process women experience:

While some may only be in a transition­al stage for several months as their periods diminish, others can last more than four years. Their estrogen levels decrease, which may lead to vaginal dryness, slower sexual arousal and even painful sex. Emotional changes can also increase feelings of stress, affecting sexual interest.

When one year has passed after her final period, she’ll be perimenopa­usal. That’s an entirely new phase during which many women may renew interest in sex and be sexually active into their senior years.

Read a credible, non-promotiona­l website on menopause e.g., that of the Mayo Clinic. Then, talk to your wife. There’s nothing more appealing to a woman than a man who understand­s what she’s going through yet keeps demonstrat­ing the sensuality and love he feels for her during this time.

Consider together how you can stay connected sexually.

The most common treatment for vaginal dryness due to low estrogen levels is topical estrogen therapy. These replace some of the hormones your wife’s body is no longer making and helps relieve vaginal symptoms but doesn’t put as much estrogen in the bloodstrea­m as the hormone therapy which is taken in pills.

Even if she uses hormone therapy pills or patches, she should ask her doctor about a low-dose vaginal estrogen treatment if dryness and related symptoms persist.

Continuing to have regular vaginal sexual activity through menopause helps keep vaginal tissues thick and moist and maintains the vagina’s length and width. This helps keep sexual activity pleasurabl­e.

Encourage your wife to talk to her doctor about menopause and its effects, for her own sake, not just yours.

With the possibilit­y of another 25-plus years ahead of her being healthy and energetic, there’s no reason for her to accept that she has reached the end of her sexual life.

But she needs you to remain a loving partner during this change period.

It’s far less likely to happen if you’re seeking sex with women you don’t know/trust fully, with potential exposure to sexually transmitte­d diseases.

Consider: Could you live comfortabl­y and trusting if your wife was seeking sex elsewhere on a regular basis due to impotence on your part?

 ??  ??

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from Canada