Couple differ on cleanliness of maid’s work around house
He wants the housekeeper fired and it’s a real mess
Q: My husband wants to fire the person who cleans our house. I think her cleaning is fine, but he is a lot pickier. He’s told her over and over to do things a little differently and she never seems to change. It drives me crazy that he would consider jeopardizing a goodenough professional relationship just because of a few small things we can live with.
A: But it’s unclear if he can live with it. Granted, we’re talking cleaning services here, so I’ll acknowledge the relative luxury of such a problem. But good marriages have eroded over less. As much as my slovenliness makes me an unlikely arbiter of, say, how few water spots should be on a stainless-steel dishwasher, the truth is that this is something that matters to your husband. And your cleaning person won’t respond to that. Thus, it’s hard to argue she’s really meeting both of your needs. And as much as the relationship is good between you and her, I’m guessing on his side there’s chronic frustration. Give her one last chance. Have him spell out that this is it, and see if she can make changes.
Q: I think my second-grader might be depressed. She has always been quiet and she spends a lot of time alone. She is just not “into” things that other kids are into. I’m reaching the point of alarm. Can it be healthy for a kid to not want to do much with friends or other activities?
A: Humanity sports a wide spectrum of introverts vs. extroverts, excitables vs. evenkeels, and curious wall-scalers vs. quiet room-cocooners. What’s interesting, though, is that none of those traits say much about true mental health, which instead is jeopardized by things like anxiety, anger, hopelessness and cynicism. Just because she’s not on the birthday-party circuit doesn’t mean she struggles with the latter issues.
But you’re her mom, and you’re concerned. So focus on feelings. Find out what brings her joy and what frightens her, what she looks forward to and what she dreads, what gives her energy and what makes her want to crawl into bed. That will give you the most insight into whether she’s just an a-OK introvert, or harbouring something more problematic.
Andrea Bonior is a clinical psychologist and author of “The Friendship Fix.” The above is excerpted from her weekly relationship advice column, Baggage Check. For more information, see www.drandreabonior.com. You can also follow her on Twitter: @drandreabonior.