Jon Stewart slams Trump’s first 11 days
Try as he might, Jon Stewart just can’t stay off television. On Tuesday, the former “Daily Show” host once again joined his old friend Stephen Colbert on “The Late Show.” This time, Stewart wanted to share his thoughts on the first 11 days of President Donald Trump in the White House.
Of course, he did so while wearing a very long tie and an animal skin cap. “Is this your Donald Trump impression?” Colbert inquired.
“I thought this is how men dress now,” said Stewart, who kept up the running joke that he lives in Colbert’s studio since “The Daily Show” is off the air. “The president sets men’s fashion ... super long tie, dead animal on head.”
Stewart said he stopped by to deliver some news: He had special exclusive access to even more of Trump’s executive orders. Suddenly, part of Stewart’s animal hat fell in his face, and he and Colbert could barely hold it together. The audience also couldn’t stop laughing. “People, this nation is in crisis,” Stewart admonished. “This is serious!”
Once the crowd settled down, Stewart read his version of Trump’s next “executive order.”
“By the authority vested in me by the Constitution, I, Donald J. Jonah Jameson Trump, hereby direct that to secure our border, China shall immediately and without hesitation send us their wall,” Stewart said, slipping into a Trump accent. “Done, boom. Done. Boom. Done. Boom. Done. China’s wall, sent to us, boom. Done.”
“How then do we get Mexico pay for it?” Colbert asked.
“This is the genius, Stephen!” Stewart said. “When the wall arrives at the Southern border, we shut the lights, we pretend we’re not home. It’s C.O.D. Mexico has to sign for it. Boom, they pay for it, done.”
Stewart moved on to the next order: “I, Donald J. Lincoln Kennedy Trump III, do pronounce America now finally has an official language ... the new official language of the United States is [expletive].”
He paused for the audience to cheer. “I, Donald J. Trump have instructed my staff to speak only in [expletive]. By the way, none of that ‘Sure, I’m gonna talk [expletive] at work, but at home I’m going to use facts and real information.’ No. [Expletive], all the time, immersion, it’s the only way to be fluent.”
On the final “executive order,” Stewart turned serious, as he mostly looked directly into the camera:
“I, Donald J. Trump, do declare by executive order that I, Donald J. Trump, am exhausting. It has been 11 days, Stephen. Eleven f---- days. Eleven! The presidency is supposed to age the president, not the public.”