Jon Ste­wart slams Trump’s first 11 days

The Hamilton Spectator - - A&E - EMILY YAHR

Try as he might, Jon Ste­wart just can’t stay off tele­vi­sion. On Tues­day, the for­mer “Daily Show” host once again joined his old friend Stephen Col­bert on “The Late Show.” This time, Ste­wart wanted to share his thoughts on the first 11 days of Pres­i­dent Don­ald Trump in the White House.

Of course, he did so while wear­ing a very long tie and an an­i­mal skin cap. “Is this your Don­ald Trump im­pres­sion?” Col­bert in­quired.

“I thought this is how men dress now,” said Ste­wart, who kept up the run­ning joke that he lives in Col­bert’s stu­dio since “The Daily Show” is off the air. “The pres­i­dent sets men’s fash­ion ... su­per long tie, dead an­i­mal on head.”

Ste­wart said he stopped by to de­liver some news: He had spe­cial ex­clu­sive ac­cess to even more of Trump’s ex­ec­u­tive or­ders. Sud­denly, part of Ste­wart’s an­i­mal hat fell in his face, and he and Col­bert could barely hold it to­gether. The au­di­ence also couldn’t stop laugh­ing. “Peo­ple, this na­tion is in cri­sis,” Ste­wart ad­mon­ished. “This is se­ri­ous!”

Once the crowd set­tled down, Ste­wart read his ver­sion of Trump’s next “ex­ec­u­tive or­der.”

“By the au­thor­ity vested in me by the Con­sti­tu­tion, I, Don­ald J. Jonah Jame­son Trump, hereby di­rect that to se­cure our bor­der, China shall im­me­di­ately and with­out hes­i­ta­tion send us their wall,” Ste­wart said, slip­ping into a Trump ac­cent. “Done, boom. Done. Boom. Done. Boom. Done. China’s wall, sent to us, boom. Done.”

“How then do we get Mex­ico pay for it?” Col­bert asked.

“This is the ge­nius, Stephen!” Ste­wart said. “When the wall ar­rives at the South­ern bor­der, we shut the lights, we pre­tend we’re not home. It’s C.O.D. Mex­ico has to sign for it. Boom, they pay for it, done.”

Ste­wart moved on to the next or­der: “I, Don­ald J. Lin­coln Kennedy Trump III, do pronounce Amer­ica now fi­nally has an of­fi­cial lan­guage ... the new of­fi­cial lan­guage of the United States is [ex­ple­tive].”

He paused for the au­di­ence to cheer. “I, Don­ald J. Trump have in­structed my staff to speak only in [ex­ple­tive]. By the way, none of that ‘Sure, I’m gonna talk [ex­ple­tive] at work, but at home I’m go­ing to use facts and real in­for­ma­tion.’ No. [Ex­ple­tive], all the time, im­mer­sion, it’s the only way to be flu­ent.”

On the fi­nal “ex­ec­u­tive or­der,” Ste­wart turned se­ri­ous, as he mostly looked di­rectly into the cam­era:

“I, Don­ald J. Trump, do de­clare by ex­ec­u­tive or­der that I, Don­ald J. Trump, am ex­haust­ing. It has been 11 days, Stephen. Eleven f---- days. Eleven! The pres­i­dency is sup­posed to age the pres­i­dent, not the pub­lic.”

MICHELE CROWE, THE AS­SO­CI­ATED PRESS

Jon Ste­wart ap­peared on Stephen Col­bert’s “Late Show” Tues­day dressed as Pres­i­dent Don­ald Trump with an ex­ag­ger­at­edly long tie and an­i­mal skin cap.

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