He messed up but wants an­other chance

The Hamilton Spectator - - GO -

Q. I’m 52, and dated a won­der­ful woman, 54, for a year. Half­way through the year, I lost my job.

I had other prob­lems with the U.S. In­ter­nal Rev­enue Ser­vice. My girl­friend made some sug­ges­tions which I found un­com­fort­able. I didn’t think she had my best in­ter­est, but I now see that she was just try­ing to help.

At the same time, a for­mer girl­friend I’d dated briefly started to text me. She wanted to start some­thing new. I was tex­ting back as an es­cape from my prob­lems. Most texts were just friendly, but some crossed the line. This woman then copied and sent ev­ery­thing to the new girl­friend.

Ev­ery­thing ex­ploded just be­fore Christ­mas. My new girl­friend trav­elled to her fam­ily and when she re­turned, she said she was fin­ished.

I know I’ve made a grave mis­take. I con­sider my­self a re­ally good guy and what I did was against all my be­liefs. For a new be­gin­ning, I went to my church and was bap­tized. The new girl­friend still says she wants to move on and that I should too.

But I’m crazy in love with her. I’ve sent flow­ers and cards. And I still be­lieve that there’s a chance for a restart. I have a new job and I’m try­ing to be the best per­son I can be, hope­fully she’ll give me a chance.

A. There’s only one strat­egy for you now — be your­self. She was at­tracted to you be­fore and can be again, if you show her you’re the same good guy. What turned her off was how badly you han­dled things when faced with per­sonal prob­lems, es­pe­cially your “es­cape” through sex-ting with an­other woman.

Send her a let­ter (not an email) telling her how sorry you are about those wrong-headed re­ac­tions. Say that you re­al­ize more than ever that you love her, and only want to prove to her that you’ll never han­dle stress that way again.

Do not rush her. You may need to wait a cou­ple of months be­fore she’ll meet you to talk.

God­mother wed­ding role stress­ful Q. I was cho­sen by the bride as a god­mother-spon­sor for her wed­ding. But when I showed the bride a dress I bought, she said the colour and style were dif­fer­ent from what’s “re­quired.”

With the groom present, I said that the re­quired floor-length gown and colour don’t suit me. The bride then told me to wear what I like. But when he left, she said that her par­ents’ friend — their choice of god­mother-spon­sor — said that all three of us must wear the same colour and style.

I’ve searched the In­ter­net plus nine bridal stores and can­not find that colour.

The shower and wed­ding will be held out-of-town, in­volv­ing travel and ho­tel costs. I’m be­com­ing anx­ious. I’m con­sid­er­ing not go­ing, and giv­ing the money I save to the bride and groom.

Be­ing asked to be a wed­ding spon­sor, es­pe­cially in some tra­di­tion­ally re­li­gious com­mu­ni­ties, is con­sid­ered an hon­our and comes with re­spon­si­bil­i­ties. But if these “re­quire­ments” are mak­ing you anx­ious, tell the bride. If she wants you there as a guest, or ex­empts you on the dress re­quire­ment, go.

Com­men­tary: “I’m of­fer­ing a so­lu­tion for the man who’s con­cerned with what to say in eu­lo­gies for his par­ents, with whom he says he’s had a mer­cu­rial re­la­tion­ship: “He should find a church like mine that doesn’t al­low eu­lo­gies. We stopped al­low­ing them three years ago at the ini­ti­a­tion of some of our lay mem­bers be­cause they be­came so out of hand with peo­ple say­ing in­ap­pro­pri­ate or down­right dumb things.

“The record on length was 27 min­utes; on in­ap­pro­pri­ate, it was let­ting ev­ery­one know how ‘stinky’ the de­ceased’s feet were.

“Based on this man’s let­ter, it may be best if he didn’t offer any re­marks at all. “So, I sim­ply rec­om­mend find­ing a church like this one, and the worry is gone!”

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from Canada

© PressReader. All rights reserved.