I want to break up but wonder what comes next

Q . I think I want to break up with my partner of six years, but am unsure whether it’s the right decision. I don’t even know how to break up (I’ve always been the one that gets dumped) without hurting his feelings.

He might know it’s coming, as we haven’t been the same for a while. We just don’t have that same connection anymore.

We’ve owned a house together (though it’s in his name) for a year, but we’re not living in it, as it’s more of a project.

He’s an amazing man and has always treated me well.

He’s also very good looking, earns a really good wage, is thoughtful and caring, which is why I’m so scared to leave.

What if I never find anyone as amazing again?

Also, the thought of someone else having what I could have with him terrifies me.

I still want to be a part of his life — his family is like mine too, but I’m worried that everyone will disown me and the break-up will be final.

My sister and a close friend just think I’m being silly.

Yet I’m just not happy right now, feeling sick and worried daily.

A. Sounds like you’re talking yourself into a break-up.

Since your guy is so “amazing,” you’re likely pretty terrific yourself; but I don’t hear any confidence in being able to talk to him about why you feel the connection isn’t still there.

Relationships do normally move from passionate phases through busy, more independent periods.

Perhaps your house “project” is a symbol of both of you having become more distracted by work, projects, ambitions, etc.

It’s time to discuss this together rather than canvas your sister and others — and definitely not to just run.

Tell him what you feel, without blame. Ask what he feels, and listen.

Relationship work isn’t all romance or all dissection either. If the emotions are still there, it’s worth giving it another chance and seeing what each of you can do to feel closer again.

My sister has selfish sons

Q. My sister and her husband (late 60s), are struggling with their selfish adult sons (both 40s).

My sister’s always helped them out financially, with babysitting, household chores, etc. My brother-in-law helped them with serious renovations.

I’m now concerned about their health — he’s had bypass surgeries and progressive dementia, and she has hypertension.

One son’s an alcoholic. His wife left him, and they share the children. She recently informed the grandparents that their son fell off the wagon and was on a drinking binge.

When they finally located him, they got into an argument and haven’t spoken since.

My sister’s using tough love in hopes that he’ll get his life in order before something really bad happens.

Also, she told me her teenage grandson had treated her poorly in public.

She wanted to discuss this with his father. When he finally came over, he berated her, and said she was stupid.

This isn’t the first huge family feud. But it’s the first time they’re trying to put themselves first, knowing their health is vulnerable.

My sister’s my best friend. What can I do to help, besides listen and empathize?

A. Not even a sister/best friend can lessen the disappointment and hurt parents feel if their adult children are selfish and uncaring.

Your listening, empathizing and watching their state of health are important supports.

Unless you have strong reason to believe that speaking to your nephews would be helpful, do not risk stirring this mess.