Up, up, up and away: Trumbo hits a high one
News you need to get through the day …
Elevated fastball? No kidding. Just when you thought baseball couldn’t cook up another new stat, now comes word that six-foot-four Orioles slugger Mark Trumbo tomahawked a pitch that was 4.62 feet above the ground for a home run — an all-time high, so to speak, since Statcast started its pitch-tracking era in 2008.
At TheKicker.com: “Emilio Estevez getting tired of congratulatory phone calls about Ducks.”
At TheOnion.com: “Pregnant Serena Williams excited to feel her baby grunt.”
ON THIN ICE
Olympic figure skater Michelle Kwan has filed divorce papers in Rhode Island, but jurisdiction figures to be a heated issue. Her soon-to-be ex wants the case heard in California, while she’s insisting on a French judge.
FOR BETTOR, OR WORSE
Just when you thought our sports-wagering thirst might have been slaked, along comes this: daily WNBA fantasy games on FanDuel.
SOME SYMPATHY CARD
Soccer linesman Andrew McWilliam barfed on the sideline while performing his duties during a Scottish Premiership match, so referee Craig Thomason jokingly flashed him a red card. Apparently the local Hallmark store was closed.
IT’S RAINING RUNS
The Nationals set a major league record by scoring 170 runs in the season’s first month. In other words, a lot of opposing pitchers saw April showers.
Two Cavaliers series sweeps. Two Warriors series sweeps. They schedule the NBA playoffs, and a curling bonspiel breaks out!
TALKING THE TALK
Bob Molinaro in the Norfolk Virginian Pilot, on the Cavaliers’ 8-0 start in the NBA playoffs after just a so-so regular season: “(They) really have flipped the proverbial switch. Or did they use the Clapper?”
TBS’s Conan O’Brien, after a Toyota Land Cruiser clocked 230 m.p.h. to break the record for fastest SUV: “Apparently somebody was really late to their kid’s soccer game.”
RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com, with a sure sign the Maple Leafs and Oilers were too young to be title contenders this year: “Whenever one of them lost a tooth, they’d put it under their pillow.”
SWEAR HIM IN
Cursing increases strength and stamina, according to a study by psychologists at Britain’s University of Keele. Coincidence? The morning-line favourite to win the 2020 Olympic decathlon is now Mel Gibson.
LOSING THEIR SEAT
The Denver Broncos are revoking season tickets from purchasers who did not attend a home game last season. The Browns, not to be outdone, are offering free grief counselling for anyone who decides to re-up with them.
At SportsPickle.com: “Jay Cutler signs one-day contract to retire from football as a Cleveland Brown.”
At TheKicker.com: “NBA 2K17 adds ‘Wiz/ Celts mode,’ which is basically just Mortal Kombat.”
Reds speedster Billy Hamilton, who owns the fastest double (7.19 seconds) and triple (10.45) since Statcast began clocking base runners in 2015, has never hit an inside-thepark home run.
Jim Barach of WCHS-TV in Charleston, W.Va., on the death of Adolph Kiefer, 98, America’s oldest living Olympic gold medallist: “He won his medal in the 100-metre backstroke at the 1936 Games in Berlin, which also explains why he was the last American medallist named ‘Adolph.’”
Brad Dickson of the Omaha (Neb.) WorldHerald, after a South Bend (Ind.) Cubs minorleaguer tried and failed 10 times to toss a beach ball back over the outfield fence: “I think I know why he’s in Class A.”
Janice Hough of LeftCoastSportsBabe.com, on Willie Mays’ 86th birthday falling on the same day as the Kentucky Derby: “Say hey, say neigh.”
Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle, after Cavs star LeBron James threatened to sue a Cleveland Brewery for using a picture of him holding one of their beers without permission: “Someone should remind King James that he never obtained legal permission from the people who make that Bible.”
NBC’s Seth Meyers, on the deceased Mets fan whose ashes are being flushed down toilets in baseball stadiums across the country: “Meanwhile, the Mets are honouring his wish by flushing their season, too.”
Comedy writer Alex Kaseberg, on MLBthemed diapers: “They were also going to put NFL logos on them, but nobody wanted a diaper with the name Browns on it.”
Comic Torben Rolfsen, on ways to spice up the Kentucky Derby: “Mix it up one year and open the race to horses of any age, but the jockeys have to be 3-year-olds.”
A high school cheerleader in El Paso, Texas, was arrested on suspicion of submitting a false police report after she confessed she made up a story that her home had been burglarized so she could keep her uniform instead of having to turn it in. She was released from jail after posting bond of two bits, four bits, six bits, $5,000.
Baltimore Orioles Mark Trumbo launched himself in to the history books.
OK then, LeBron, who gave you permission to allow the use of King James?