She’s a compulsive liar who will hurt you again
Q . I’m a divorced father of two who’s been seeing a woman with one child for two-and-a-half years.
Everything was great between us — it was true love, we were planning to move in together and our sex life was amazing.
When we returned from a weeklong trip in March, I received a text saying she’s had another boyfriend for three years. The guy’s phone number was included.
I called him and he was in shock that she was two-timing.
She’d lied to us both every day for over two years and told both of us the same B.S. — “love you to death,” “we’ll move in together,” etc. We both called her. She freaked out, denied everything and hung up.
She called me back saying she was sorry and wanted to be with me forever. An hour later, she called back and ended it with me because she wanted to be with him.
She called me back again later, this time telling me she wanted me and that he had forced her to end it with me.
Now, five weeks later, she’s back with him.
I cut her off. But she also wants me back. What do I do? I think she has serious mental issues to lie to both of us for so long.
Do I give her a chance, or do you think she’ll hurt me again?
Are you serious? I can’t start my response any other way, or my readers will lambaste me (and you, by inference) for considering any misplaced, wrong-headed and undeserved compassion toward her.
She’s a committed compulsive liar and yes, she’ll hurt you again — him, too — and anyone else (including your kids and hers).
It could take years of treatment before a therapist could help her to become honest and faithful. And it might not last. Meanwhile, the children and you could never be sure of anything she says, does or feels.
That’s scary for you all.
Two grown-ups should be able to move past old spat
Q. I’m throwing a surprise party for my husband’s big birthday (40!).
The problem is that his brother and I haven’t spoken in five years, even though the two of them have remained close.
The crazy thing is that their mother started the problem between me and his brother by repeating casual comments each of us had made about the other and blowing them way out of proportion.
The only solution would’ve been for us both to out my mother-in-law as favouring her younger son (my brother-inlaw) over my husband.
Neither of us wanted to hurt my husband, so we ended up having a huge falling out back then.
Since then, we’ve both been unable to get past what we heard was said by the other.
My husband was very angry with both of us when this happened but has accepted that we just can’t get along.
I know his brother has to be invited, but I don’t know if he’ll come.
I also don’t know how I’ll handle it if he shows.
You will handle it decently and so will he, because you have both been protective of your husband’s feelings all along.
But you could do even better, because you’ve seen how much you each care for your husband and you’ve been thoughtful enough to not reveal your mother-inlaw’s foolish troublemaking.
So two grown-ups like you are also capable of ending the chill and speaking to each other.
After all, whatever was said was then, this is now.
You are both certainly bigger than this old spat.