Among the diapers, sanity sneaks in
A room full of babies helps these moms bond
I close the door behind me as I take my leave of the mom-baby group, still going on behind me, at Stef Goruk’s house.
The sudden, contrasting silence outside induces in me that subdued, underwater feeling around the ears that you get on the street beyond the arena walls after a rock concert.
But it’s not a rock concert. It’s seven mothers with eight babies, meeting all together, a mom-baby klatch so to speak. Not a fair comparison. The klatch is louder.
I’m exaggerating. Doesn’t matter. Let it be loud. It’s the sound of the future. It’s the sound of curiosity, new life, happy excitements, tiny upsets, the squealing and purest laughter of babies who don’t understand why they’re laughing. Like they’re burping joy.
The sound is also moms laughing. They know why they’re laughing. Mommery loves company. They’re together, not sitting alone bolt upright in bed worrying what drugs teenagers will be doing 16 years from now when their babies are in high school.
So I open the door again, poke my head in one more time, hear the voices come roaring back into my head, mermaids singing each to each, and I smile, then leave in earnest. Without this, the human race doesn’t go on, right? And then who’s going to pick up the dog poop and run the Internet? Believe me, not the cats.
Stef is hosting today. The group meets at least once every week. They rotate houses.
“It’s way more than just us,” says Nicole Shea, mom of Evelyn, when I mention a kind of “baby boom.” As many that come to the klatch, there are manifold others who don’t — yet.
“I see more pregnant women and the strollers (around Locke Street). If you don’t have a baby or a dog, it’s like you’re out of place,” she jokes. “When a house goes up for sale, it seems a young family comes in to buy,” says Meaghan Eisenberg, mother of Vanessa.
Stef and childhood friend Shauna Ritter, mother of Mataya (13 months), are part of their own baby boom. They and two close high school friends were pregnant at the same time.
When I come in, the mothers are talking about shoes; the babies play with toys, a rocking horse; they suckle, explore.
The mothers talk about everything. Sleep, daycare, work, food, “The Bachelorette,” birth stories. “I get advice here,” says Alex Berman, mother of Evie. “Life stuff.” And they learn about things from each other.
Stef is experimenting with something called EC (elimination communication) potty training — holding babies, almost from birth, over sinks, toilets and mini potties, reading babies’ signals rather than relying so much on diapers.
She’s the only mom here doing it. They all take different approaches. Shauna has spent time with Mataya on sleep training. Now Mataya sleeps on her own through the night. But Stef is OK with her seven-month-old Tom co-sleeping.
The thing is, regardless of where they are in their parenting approach, there’s no judgmentalism here. “Mostly, it’s for our sanity,” says one of them, with a weary laugh.
They first met in December. The winter, potentially so isolating, was a good time to bond.
Mother-baby klatches of some sort are pretty universal through time and place.
The 21st century is no exception. This is the millennial version. The babies still watch “Sesame Street” and now something called “Peppa Pig.” There are relatively new things to think about, like baby-wearing and scheduled C-sections.
But is it harder or easier now to be a mom? Says Nicole, “My grandmother didn’t have to go out to work. We do.” So there’s that. Work and day care are prominent themes here — the adjustment and so on.
On the other hand, says Alex: “We’re more connected. If you want to go to the park, you just text each other. If there’s a rash and you don’t know what to do, send a picture of it.”
On the other hand again, mother-shaming. As bad as ever. “You can never do anything right (according to some), it seems,” says Alex.
Oh, you’re doing lots right. You’re doing the most important work there is. Politics? Business? You should be calling the shots. After all, nothing can clarify thought or values … nothing … like a room full of babies. All world leaders should meet this way.