Three young drunk guys and a de­filed oven: Who’s to blame?

The Hamilton Spectator - - GO - el­liead­vice.com

Q . Two weeks ago, my son, 22, slept at the home of my nephew, 20, and his par­ents.

The brother of my nephew’s girl­friend also stayed over. I’m un­sure if she was there too.

My nephew later con­fessed to drink­ing eight te­quila shots, the girl’s brother (un­der­age) had five or six, and my son had two or three.

My sis­ter-in-law ini­tially accused the youngest boy of pee­ing in her oven. He’d slept in the bath­room tub and she said there was vomit.

In the morn­ing, she saw wet foot­prints from the bath­room to the stove and the oven was open.

Later, when the oven was turned on, there was an ex­tremely bad smell like urine.

They asked my son for a urine sam­ple to prove her ac­cu­sa­tion of the other boy. My son will­ingly gave it to them. This oc­curred three days later.

We didn’t hear any­thing till two weeks af­ter the sleep­over.

My brother and his wife accused my son of be­ing the cul­prit.

They’d done their own “smell” test at home — com­par­ing his urine to “every­one else.” But the pre­vi­ously accused boy had de­nied do­ing it, so they may not have had his urine.

(My nephew and his girl­friend broke up since).

The urine com­par­i­son was prob­a­bly just be­tween their son and mine.

They live in an apart­ment with only one bath­room, other than their pri­vate one.

They claimed that my son’s a sleep­walker who doesn’t re­al­ize he did it. He’s not, nor has ever been, a sleep­walker!

It likely was the girl­friend’s brother, given that he was ex­tremely drunk and the foot­prints came from the bath­room where he slept.

On­line re­search shows that urine de­grades quickly if un­re­frig­er­ated and smells very bad. My son’s sam­ple would’ve also smelled very bad af­ter al­most a week. Be­sides, the urine of any per­son varies from day to day.

I’m ex­tremely hurt that they’re ac­cus­ing my son with­out ev­i­dence. They said that do­ing proper test­ing would be too ex­pen­sive.

How do we han­dle this? I find it hard to for­give, es­pe­cially when he gave them the urine sam­ple in good faith that they’d prove it wasn’t him.

He had the least to drink of any­one there. If it were any­one other than fam­ily I’d just move on and not have them in my life any more.

A. Three young drunk guys and a de­filed oven: Who’s to blame? Every­one — some then, some still. First re­ac­tion re­quired: Clean the oven! This should’ve been de­manded of all three young men.

Next ac­tion: Par­ents who ac­cept that their own son and com­pan­ions can get stupid drunk and let an un­der­age drinker do the same, need a hard look at them­selves. That night, it was the oven that got abused. Another night, it could be any­thing … or any­one.

Both sets of par­ents have missed us­ing this bizarre event for a much-needed re­al­ity-check dis­cus­sion.

These young men will rarely just drink at home. They will drink at pubs, bars, clubs, etc. And if they get so drunk, they get dis­ori­ented, who knows what could hap­pen.

The con­se­quences could be se­ri­ous. Tests on body flu­ids get done pro­fes­sion­ally when there’s a harm­ful in­ci­dent. There’s no es­cap­ing re­spon­si­bil­ity.

As a mother and fam­ily mem­ber, you’re nat­u­rally up­set. So, turn this around to what mat­ters.

It’s not about who peed, once the oven has been scoured clean. It’s about the de­struc­tive force of ex­cess al­co­hol in­take, in­clud­ing:

Foul be­hav­iour, abuse of peo­ple and prop­erty, bro­ken re­la­tion­ships, and nasty ac­cu­sa­tions. Your two fam­i­lies should work to­gether on this cru­cial life les­son for care­less young men.

DEAR EL­LIE

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