The Per­fect V is far from per­fect for wom­ankind

Dan­ish com­pany com­ing to Canada with prod­uct to make, um, that fe­male body part glow

The Hamilton Spectator - - LIVING - sh­eryl@sh­eryl­nadler.com

Hey, guess what?

This week our re­al­ity show of a life took a dark turn to­ward “The Hunger Games” ter­ri­tory, when a com­pany out of Den­mark made their vagina high­lighter avail­able world­wide.

Yep, that’s what I said. You can now buy high­lighter for your va­jay­jay. Or at least you’ll be able to, come Thurs­day, when The Per­fect V’s prod­ucts be­come avail­able to the world out­side Scan­di­navia.

What is this com­pany and what is this prod­uct and why are they do­ing this to us? All good ques­tions. Well, while they don’t overtly use the words “vagina” or “vulva” in any of their mes­sag­ing (are these words too vul­gar? Is a nat­u­ral look­ing vulva also too vul­gar?), The Per­fect V does claim to cre­ate prod­ucts for the V like creams, serums, ex­fo­lia­tors and even a mist. A mist!

“The V is that pretty lit­tle tri­an­gle some­times neat, at other times unruly, but al­ways per­fect and unique in its own per­sonal way. In fact, just like an iconic hair­cut, how you style your ‘V’ can be a clue to a par­tic­u­lar mo­ment in fash­ion,” reads the web­site.

So what is it? No, it’s not high­light­ing hair dye for down there. But you know that high­lighter makeup the Kar­dashian clan has made so pop­u­lar? The stuff their dis­ci­ples (and oth­ers) use as face con­tour to make parts of it glow and shine? Yeah, that.

Well, the Kar­dashi­ans must be kick­ing them­selves in their cans for not think­ing of this first. Be­cause The Per­fect V also boasts the Very V Lu­minizer, a prod­uct that will essen­tially make your vagina glow.

Ac­cord­ing to the web­site, the Lu­minizer does the fol­low­ing:

“Lu­mi­nous iri­des­cent colour to add some ex­tra pret­ti­ness to the V

•Re­news and im­proves the skin, mak­ing it ap­pear more youth­ful and fresh

•Bright­ens and min­i­mizes the ap­pear­ance of skin im­per­fec­tions

•Quick to dry, leav­ing a lu­mi­nous glow to the skin”

I wasn’t aware that I was sup­posed to be keep­ing my vagina up with the cur­rent fash­ions or try­ing to min­i­mize its im­per­fec­tions, but I guess I can thank The Per­fect V for “il­lu­mi­nat­ing” me on this sub­ject while si­mul­ta­ne­ously sham­ing me for hav­ing a frumpy va­jay­jay. Be­cause, as most of the re­ac­tions on so­cial me­dia point out, as if women weren’t al­ready un­der enough pres­sure to look/act/feel per­fect in what we wear, in how we present our­selves, in how we be­have, now we have to worry about hav­ing a “youth­ful and fresh” V, too?

So, yes, re­ac­tions on so­cial me­dia ap­peared to con­demn the Very V Lu­minizer. And I have yet to read a pos­i­tive cri­tique of the prod­uct, ba­si­cally for the rea­sons I just men­tioned.

But here’s the thing: this com­pany, founded and run by Avonda Nel­son Ur­ben, a for­mer mar­ket­ing ex­ec­u­tive for Revlon and L’Oréal, cre­ated it. Which means some­one is buy­ing it. So it got me think­ing about who is buy­ing this prod­uct and how it’s dif­fer­ent from, say, a light­ning-bolt-shaped bikini wax or be­jew­elled bikini area (re­mem­ber when that was all the rage?). Be­cause essen­tially all of these are means of pret­ty­ing up the V, right? But the light­ning bolt, the plethora of ver­sions of the Brazil­ian bikini wax, even the be­daz­zling … all of that is just for fun and just for us. But a high­light­ing cream that makes us ap­pear more youth­ful?

That’s not for us — that’s an­other layer of so­ci­etal pres­sure to be per­fect. The com­pany is called The Per­fect V, for God’s sake. But then again, it’s run by a per­son who pre­vi­ously worked for com­pa­nies that ex­ist to make us feel in­se­cure, then turn around and sell us so­lu­tions to make us less in­se­cure.

Ok, so can we all agree that “per­fect” doesn’t ex­ist? Life is not an episode of “Say Yes to the Dress.” (I was forced to watch an episode last week.) If so­cial me­dia has taught us any­thing, it’s that it’s very easy to pre­tend to have a “per­fect” life, in the sense that ev­ery­one in it is al­ways blissed out.

If you omit the con­flict, bore­dom, stress, anx­i­ety of life from your posts, sure, it’ll seem as if none of those neg­a­tives have touched you at all. Life shouldn’t be per­fect and nei­ther should the ap­pear­ance of your vagina.

So let’s leave the vagina high­lighter out, OK? Enough. Just, enough.

LIONEL CIRONNEAU, AP FILE PHOTO

The Very V Lu­minizer: Kim Kar­dashian and fam­ily must be kick­ing them­selves in their cans for not think­ing of this first.

SH­ERYL NADLER

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