She’s set herself up for head-butting discussions

Q . My new boyfriend scuba dives. I do not. He asked me to go on the boat with his family, but I have motion sickness.

He insisted that we could stay with his cousins who were moving and had everything packed in boxes.

I’d never met them and didn’t want to intrude on them during a stressful moving time.

I said I’d be more comfortable in a hotel on the beach while they dive.

He refuses to spend money on a hotel when he has a free place to stay. I offered to stay home but he wouldn’t go without me. We ended up not going at all. I want space, privacy, and a view. I even offered to pay all or half. He refused that too.

He said I’m selfish to expect him to get a hotel when he wants to spend time with family.

I said, spend the day scuba diving with them, and then we’ll meet for dinner and hang out.

But he refused. What’s your opinion? I know mine.

A. You’re so far apart in tastes, habit, spending comfort, and ability to compromise, that you’ll likely have many more head-butting discussions like the failed scuba debate.

What matters now is why you’re together.

If it’s a hot romance with no other meeting ground, it’ll fizzle every time you disagree, which I’m betting will be often.

And you’re both stubborn — he was uninterested in your discomfort about staying with his cousins and wouldn’t accept your paying for a hotel.

And you weren’t willing to give up any comforts on behalf of his scuba diving.

If it’s his main lifestyle “passion” you’ll be dealing with this repeatedly.

You’d both need to be able to come up with reasonable solutions — e.g. he scubas without you, but goes to the beach with you when he’s done.

However, unless you have many other reasons why it’s worth trying to meet this guy at least halfway, this new relationship won’t grow.

He can’t say no to his friends

Q. My partner of 11 years and I moved into his condo ten months ago. Together, we’ve spent $30,000 renovating/ updating it and making it “ours.”

One couple, his friends of 25-plus years, have always visited him ten or more times a year for two days at a time.

They’re heavy drinkers. I don’t drink or have anything in common with them.

They weren’t congratulatory when we announced we were moving in together. Now they’re pushing to visit us monthly.

They ask my partner, he finds it hard to say no.

I’ve asked him to get them to back off and stop treating our home as their cottage (it’s a four season, retirement spot and they’ve become friendly with our friendship circle).

We’ve had several tense talks as I find being around them too much in a 1000square-foot condo very stressful.

He’s suggested I go to friends or family while they’re here. I’m very insulted and hurt.

A. It’s not just “his” condo, once you cohabit and both spent money renovating it.

His friends are taking advantage of you both, and he’s letting them.

Do not leave to accommodate them, you’ll resent him for it.

He needs to say, naturally, that it’s no longer his man-cave for entertaining friends.

It’s your home together, not always open for live-in company.

He could suggest that they ask to visit their new friends in the area, or stay in a nearby rental.

If he senses that’ll affect the friendship, he’s privately aware that they’re using him and disrespecting you.