This guy’s no boyfriend, it’s time to get him out
Q. I live in a small low-rent basement of a house, where I moved when my daughter moved out of our home six years ago. My landlord lives elsewhere and has other renters. I can’t work due to a disability. I’ve had break-ins and stuff has been stolen from my apartment and vehicle, I think by friends of my boyfriend, who’s half my age.
We’ve been dating off and on for four years. He used to rent upstairs.
He went to jail — having been in the “wrong place wrong time” — but was since released on terms.
He asked to stay in my apartment. My landlord agreed but only for a short time.
The couple upstairs complained that my guy was having a lot of guests in my place when I’m not home, and there’s been drug use.
The landlord has asked me to get him out.
He started saying he loves me, but I’m not interested in a serious relationship.
His friends who keep popping in are all in their 20s and have troubled lives.
The romance and sex we used to have has stopped. He sleeps on the couch, is lazy and messy. His addictions are worse than I knew.
All the turmoil here has caused me grief. My landlord’s threatened to evict me if it keeps up.
I don’t want to involve police if possible.
He refuses to leave and I feel may cause more problems!
A. He’s no “boyfriend” to you. He’s using you and doesn’t care that he’s risking your home and security. You may need to involve police.
Ask your landlord to be present when you insist that this guy leaves. But, if he can’t attend, ask him to write a notice that he wants him out and send it to you to hand over.
Otherwise, if your daughter or anyone else (e.g. a neighbour) can be available, have them there.
However, if you fear his reaction, call the police.
He’s making his own bad choices. Protect yourself.
FEEDBACK Regarding the commonlaw spouse who’s “still hurt” that her partner’s adult children forgot her birthday (Aug. 2):
Reader #1 — “Forgetting her birthday goes with the territory of being a stepmother and step-grandma.
“They didn’t forget it intentionally, it’s just what happens.
“As a step-Mama of 28 years, with 15 grandchildren, I can tell her that might not change.
“But the rewards of developing a lovely relationship with the grandchildren as they grow up are huge.
“She should keep her hurts to herself, be endlessly patient, and grandparenting not only gets better, it gets wonderful.”
Reader #2 — “Of course they’ll remember their father’s birthday, they’ve known him their whole life! They forgot her birthday! Boo hoo.
“In the time they’ve known her, they’ve gotten married, had two children, probably both work ... they’re busy!!!
“You think her partner should bother his busy kids with such a ridiculous thing?! Please! And perhaps he didn’t “notice her hurt” (which I’m quite sure she was pretty vocal about) because it’s just not worth the aggravation!
“She needs to get over it. And frankly, you need to stop legitimizing such nonsense!”
Ellie — Even busy people have time for kindness and thoughtfulness in relationships. This woman made time to do so for her partner’s family.
He could’ve taken a few moments to gently remind his children, who benefitted from her help with their kids, about her upcoming birthday. Their phone call or card to her would take even less time.