Shy, awkward 8-year-old is being picked on at school

Q: Our son is 8 and he is a shy, awkward boy.

There is another boy in his class who picks on him. It hasn’t gotten physical, but my son does complain about having to go to school. I talked to the teacher and she says she keeps them separate in class, but my son still gets harassed in the playground. What should I do?

A: For persistent situations such as you are describing, intervention may be required at three levels:

The first involves your son, who may benefit from counseling or support to develop strategies to cope in the moment. When bullies sense vulnerability in their targets, it is rewarding for them to continue this behaviour.

Some children who are targets of bullying can learn to carry themselves in a way that signals indifference and personal strength. This can help them avoid being identified as a target going forward.

The second level of intervention is with the boy identified as the bully. If possible, he and his parents need to be informed that this behaviour is unacceptable and he needs to be helped to appreciate its impact on whoever he is harassing.

That child can then participate in a healing circle, gathering with other students to discuss the behaviour generally and how it hurts people, and what more reasonable and caring behaviour would look like.

Supported and encouraged by the group, he could also apologize to your son.

The third level of intervention is with school officials. This can include the teacher and principal. A discussion may be necessary about how to better support students generally and encourage reasonable play and relationships. It may also be necessary to discuss supervision outside the classroom.

Home, school and community should be safe places for children, and we all need to help them achieve that sense of safety.

For adults, the key in making intervention successful at any level is to remain calm and reasonable.

It is important for parents to appreciate that how we conduct ourselves when under duress sets a tone and model for our children to follow when addressing challenging issues.

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