I have stayed Canadian, and stayed Catholic

Reader challenges author to reconcile being a lesbian and supporter of the church

Used to be it was more of a worry for me coming out as a lesbian than as a Catholic. Now it’s a toss-up.

I would guesstimate over the seven years I’ve enjoyed this column space I’ve received more feedback questioning my continued connection to the Catholic Church than my long-lived life as a lesbian.

After I penned my reflections this summer on becoming Catholic as a teenager and how I carry on finding life within that faith community today, I received the most respectfully disagreeing “fan-mails” after a column to date.

The first correspondence was from a former Catholic. “While I think it’s wonderful that you have found a faith community that meets your needs, I am utterly baffled that you can support an institution that actively discriminates against you both as a woman and as a lesbian … As a young woman I found I couldn’t accept the discrimination myself, so I am no longer a Catholic … you have no need to explain to me, but it would be useful to many of us if you could write about how you reconcile this conflict for yourself.”

So here’s one way I have come to reconcile it.

I am a Canadian. I have stayed a Canadian even though I belong to a country that is only now starting to own up to its leadership role in the attempted systematic erasure of Indigenous people.

I have stayed Canadian even though it took until 1943 to elect our first woman to parliament and until this Prime Minister Trudeau to have a cabinet with the same number of women as men.

I have stayed Canadian knowing it took until 1969 to change the laws around sodomy and buggery in order to “decriminalize homosexuality,” yet stories of gay men being targeted for arrest continue today.

I have stayed Canadian even though it took until 2005 to allow me and “my kind” to marry and only last year was a bill passed to ensure trans and gender diverse persons are afforded equal rights under the law.

How did these changes come about? People stayed Canadian and demanded them. If everyone said, “I can’t stay in a country that actively discriminates against me” and left, things would stop changing.

So I stay Catholic because since I’ve been in the church I’ve seen things change. I’ve gone from being fired by a priest for being, “too involved in women’s issues,” to being hired by a parish community because of my queer identity, even though I was still actively trying to be closeted with my “roommate.”

That parish was St. Joseph’s in Ottawa, ministered to by the Oblates of Mary Immaculate, an order led at the time by the Diocese of Hamilton’s current Bishop, Douglas Crosby, OMI. The Oblates grew this community with vision and continue to inspire creativity and leadership in the people who choose to call it their spiritual home.

While I was Pastoral Associate there I was inspired and encouraged to begin a parish celebration on the Friday night of Ottawa’s Pride Festival. Trans, gender diverse and queer people from across the city came to celebrate mass with their allies, including the straight-identified priest.

While I was there I co-ordinated a team of homilists, (the people who lead Gospel reflections on Sundays or “preachers” as they’re known in other traditions) that included two priests (one gay, one straight), a nun from the (dis)abled community, and a straight and married father of twins. We spoke from our own identities. It’s unheard of in most Catholic churches for priests to share the pulpit, but Bishop Gervais kindly turned his head, allowing for this unorthodox and life-giving arrangement.

Joe Gunn, that “straight and married father of twins,” is in Hamilton tonight speaking at our own St. Joseph’s Parish at Locke and Herkimer. Joe is now the executive director of Citizens for Public Justice, a national organization of “members inspired by faith to act for justice in Canadian public policy.” Borrowing a line from St. Francis of Assisi, Joe will address, “Suddenly Doing the Impossible: Social Justice Challenges Facing Canadian Churches Today.”

I am inspired by “suddenly doing the impossible.” That’s why I stay both Canadian and Catholic.