Surefire ways to get out of getting out
It was 7 p.m. and I was ensconced in a corner of the couch, wrapped in a blanket, snug like a chicken strip in a burrito — a meal I was, coincidentally, considering ordering in. But first, the task at hand. I started typing. “Excuses ...” and Google finished my thought, as it does, offering “to get out of plans.”
It was Saturday night, I was just starting to breathe after a tense week of deadlines and appointments and drama, and there was nothing, not even a fully loaded burrito (chicken or halibut) that would get me off this couch. Nothing.
And considering “to get out of plans” was one of the most popular “excuses” searches, my guess is a whole lot of you feel the same way on the regular.
So it might not surprise you to know that if you take that route, tapping the “excuses to get out of plans” option, you will be directed to a page of websites that specialize in this topic: 32 foolproof excuses to help you get out of any plans, 20 excuses to get out of going out, 17 excuses for flaking out … and so on and so forth and you get the idea.
So yes, you might think I’m super lame for wanting to stay home, wrapped up like a burrito, possibly eating a burrito, when I could be out doing something else like going for dinner or meeting someone for drinks or browsing an art gallery or taking in a movie or show. But all of those efforts require wearing pants.
Or a dress, I suppose, but in this weather dresses require tights which are essentially stretchy pants and why should I put on pants when I’m in my pyjamas and am already in a pants- and judgment-free zone: my living room. No, it makes no sense.
As a matter of fact, last week The Cut ran a story on how we tend to get a little thrill out of cancelling plans, or rather that once we cancel plans and the path to the couch is free and clear, we experience a teensy burst of joy.
I’m talking about those of us who make plans with good intentions but bail in the end because putting on pants can sometimes just be too hard. Yes, we often get a bit of a high when we cancel at the last minute, according to the story. And neurobiologist Amy Banks, who was interviewed by the online magazine, says there’s a good reason for that:
“Some people’s schedules really are just that demanding, and flaking on plans is the easiest path to some much-needed downtime,” reports The Cut. “‘A lot of people underestimate how much they can take on, so cancelling feels good because they just have too much going on and actually really need a night off,” she says.
So don’t be so hard on yourself. Of course, bail too many times with lame excuses and you might hurt someone’s feelings, ruin a friendship or paint yourself into a lonely corner where no one ever wants to make plans with you ever again. Which is why if you’re going to bail at the last minute, you’d better have a darn good excuse. So I’ve combed the lists and offer you my top five favourites.
1 — “I’m feeling really emotional about ‘Homeland’ and just need to be alone right now.” This one is from thoughtcatalog.com and really works best if used while “Homeland” is airing. Even though you can binge watch it on Netflix or Crave, I feel it’s most effective if used in real time.
2 — “Burst into tears. No explanations, just start crying.” From scholarshippoints.com. There’s no way this one won’t work. They’ll bail on you faster than a hopeful viewer on Ashton Kutcher’s Netflix show, “The Ranch.”
3 — “I had a burrito for dinner and now I can’t move.” This one is from eventbrite.com and works especially well if, as mentioned above, you actually get that chicken or halibut burrito. ’Cause then you’re not even lying!
4 — “Stomach problems are the one sickness people will not press you for more information on.” This one is from eliteDaily.com. It’s true. And if the aforementioned burrito came from a sketchy place, doubly true.
5 — “I already took my bra off.” From mommyish.com. Any woman will get why this one is surefire. Of course, you can only use it with a platonic female friend who gets the significance of this statement. Say it to a romantic interest (male or female) and they might get ideas about coming over, which will have you searching for a whole other list of excuses.
It was Saturday night, I was just starting to breathe after a tense week of deadlines and appointments and drama and there was nothing, not even a fully loaded burrito that would get me off this couch. Nothing.