Beyond the workplace, a social problem
Q: I recently decided not to invite a longtime friend to a party because she is a nonstop talker. During our last get-together, she droned on and on while everyone else sat in silence.
Unfortunately, my attempt to encourage more participation did not work out as planned. Another guest dominated the discussion in the same way. By the end, I was exhausted from trying to maintain some conversational balance.
When I see my quieter friends individually, they always have a lot to say. However, they can’t seem to get a word in edgewise with these chatterboxes. I have observed the same thing in meetings at work. Why do certain people refuse to let anyone else speak?
A: For some, talking is such a strong compulsion that it borders on a psychological disability. Even loving friends and f amily try to avoid being held hostage by their never-ending monologues. Sadly, many of these chronic talkers never recognize the problem because others are too polite to give them muchneeded feedback.
Not all chatty people are conversation hogs, however. Some are simply trying to fill the vacuum left by those who are slower to speak up. When a group has members with extreme communication style differences, the silent folks may keep waiting for a chance to speak, while the talkers wonder why they aren’t saying anything.
Since your collection of friends obviously includes both types, one possible solution is to socialize with them separately, combining them with others of their own kind.
Conversation should flow easily in both groups, although undoubtedly at different speeds.
At gatherings where everyone is included, forget about social engineering and just let nature take its course. Talkative guests will chat, quiet ones will listen, and those who are unhappy can find new conversational partners. Meanwhile, you can relax and enjoy the party.
Q: I took my current job only because the owners of the company asked me to do so. Although we aren’t personal friends, I have known them for quite awhile.
Unfortunately, this has turned out to be a miserable experience because the manager at my location is an absolute nightmare.
“Sally” screams at employees for absolutely no reason and fabricates stories about people she dislikes. I’ve been told that she makes nasty comments about me behind my back. Although Sally has no power to fire me, she recently posted a help-wanted ad with a description of my job.
I have no idea what Sally is up to, but I have obviously been added to her list of targets. The owners are aware of Sally’s abusive behaviour, but they keep her around because she handles all the tasks they prefer not to do. What’s your advice?
A: Given that the owners are willing to tolerate a tyrant for their own convenience, this situation isn’t likely to improve any time soon. So if I were you, I would take my talents elsewhere.
And if these longtime acquaintances ask why you are leaving, give them a very clear picture of Sally’s sadistic management style.