Hope they got some warranties
More elbow room, please. The Twins’ mound staff now boasts six pitchers who’ve had Tommy John surgery after Minnesota signed free agents Michael Pineda, Fernando Rodney and Zach Duke. Here’s hoping they remembered to type in the code word for the James Andrews/ Costco discount.
HEADLINES
At SportsPickle.com: “NFL clarifies catch rule: Players must hold on to ball, take it home and raise it as their own.”
MY FATHER, THE CAR
Lonzo Ball gave his father LaVar a $400,000 Rolls-Royce as a Christmas present. As an added bonus, the driver’s seat features an extra airbag whenever he sits in it.
ON THE NATIONAL TEAM
Former soccer superstar George Weah, 51, has been elected president of Liberia. Which certainly puts a whole new spin on the expression “voting with your feet.”
GOLD GLOVE? NO KIDDING
The average MLB player got paid a record $4.47 million for the 2017 season. Guess they don’t call it a diamond for nothing.
GOONDOGGLE
No NHL games were scheduled on Boxing Day. Tiger Williams, we hear, was inconsolable.
NOBODY’S PERFECT
Seattle is the nation’s No. 1 city when it comes to keeping New Year’s resolutions, according to a study by the personal-finance website WalletHub.com. Well, except for that one about the Mariners making the playoffs.
TV BROWNOUT
The NFL moved five Week 17 game starts from 1 p.m. Eastern to 4:25 p.m. for competitive reasons, but not the Pittsburgh-Cleveland game. “That’s OK,” groused one beleaguered Browns fan. “We probably won’t show up until 3:25 anyway.”
THANK YOU, ACME
British inventor Richard Browning, 38, set a world speed record by going 32 mph in a jet suit. Breaking the long-standing record set by Wile E. Coyote.
SYMPATHY PAINS
The Houston Rockets blew a 26-point lead and lost at Boston on Thursday night. Not surprisingly, the Rockets’ first pick-meup bouquet came courtesy of the Atlanta Falcons.
TALKING THE TALK
Obit in the Sandusky (Ohio) Register, listing Paul Stark’s cause of death: “Complications from a brief illness, exacerbated by the hopeless condition of the Cleveland Browns.”
Dolphins stopgap QB Jay Cutler, to the Miami Herald, on living in a hotel room the entire season: “I did get the points.”
HAT IN THE RING?
Former pro rassler Dwayne (The Rock) Johnson might run for president in 2024. So what’s next — bringing Mean Gene Okerlund out of retirement to moderate the debates?
ANOTHER HEADLINE
At SportsPickle.com: “Sixers admit ‘The Process’ is just hoping Joel Embiid will somehow stay healthy.”
ROLE REVERSAL
If you think the replay official cheated the Steelers out of the game-winning touchdown pass against the Patriots,” wrote Bob Molinaro in the Norfolk Virginian-Press, “maybe you can appreciate the irony of somebody named Jesse James being robbed.”
BURNING RUBBER
“I wouldn’t say that new Husker football coaches are making speed a priority,” wrote Brad Dickson of the Omaha (Neb.) WorldHerald, “but they just got an oral commitment from Dale Earnhardt Jr.”
THE WRITE STUFF
Reader Delvonne McCullum, posting at NFL.com, on what he is reminded of after ex-Rams coach Jeff Fisher said he should get kudos for the team’s turnaround this season: “When someone doesn’t help with the group project, shows up on the day of the presentation and then takes credit when the group receives an A.”
At Fark.com, after the Chiefs became just the second team in NFL history with a 4,000yard QB and 1,000-yard RB, WR and TE: “Still, much like Santa, they have a fat guy in red that will disappear in January.”
Brad Rock of Salt Lake City’s Deseret News, after a 2,300-year-old gymnasium was uncovered in Egypt: “Found inside were papyrus scrolls, copper carving tools and Jim Boeheim’s clipboard.”