‘Another woman dead; another child without a mom … I’m angry having this conversation again’

Domestic violence ‘a shockingly regular experience,’ statistics show

WOMEN’S GROUPS are concerned Holly Hamilton’s murder will spark heightened fear among women in abusive relationships and lead to pressure on already overwhelmed crisis shelters in the city.

“An event like this can be triggering. It shoots panic through the hearts of women who are in abusive situations. They wonder if they will be next,” said Lenore Lukasik-Foss, director of SACHA (Sexual Assault Centre Hamilton and Area).

In the last three months, Martha House, Mary’s Place and Interval House have been turning away and referring hundreds of women seeking help to overflow beds, hotels and shelters outside the city.

The tragic end to the 29-year-old woman’s life appears to be the latest example of domestic violence against women, also called intimate partner violence — an ongoing issue in Canada that angers and saddens those who work to help victims and stop the cycle.

“Another woman dead; another child without a mom, and friends and family lose an important person in their lives,” said Lukasik-Foss. “I’m angry having this conversation again.”

Yolisa de Jager, director of Martha House, and chair of the Woman Abuse Working Group (WAWG), said “domestic violence is a huge problem in our community.”

Holly Hamilton’s ex-boyfriend, Justin Dumpfrey, 30, who is also father of her four-year-old daughter, has been charged with second-degree murder.

Intimate partner violence represents one-quarter of all reported violent crime in Canada, with more than 90,000 victims each year, and 80 per cent are women — even as it is one of the most under-reported crimes in the country.

According to Statistics Canada, the rate of intimate partner homicides has been in decline since the early 1990s, but much of that decline is in the number of male victims; women are five times more likely to be killed by an intimate partner than are men, and women age 25 to 34 are at the most risk.

On average, Hamilton police respond to 20 domestic violence calls a day, said Det.-Sgt. Dave Dunbar, who is in charge of the domestic violence and sexual assault units.

“The overwhelming majority are men offending,” he said, adding that when family or friends become aware of an abusive situation, they need to speak out and get help.

Lukasik-Foss suggested those who argue the problem is not as serious as it once was, or is overstated, aren’t paying attention, citing three additional homicides last week: two women killed in Brampton and another in Mississauga.

“It is a shockingly regular experience in our communities across Canada.”

She added the carnage persists against a backdrop of public education and dialogue and media attention about domestic violence, and the much publicized #MeToo movement targeting sexual harassment.

Peter Bieling, a psychologist at St. Joseph’s Healthcare and chair of the board at Interval House, which supports abused women, suggests too many men do not absorb the message — including some with “fundamentalist” belief systems with damaging attitudes about women.

“The men who do this are governed by powerful emotional states that make no rational sense,” Bieling said.

“There is a core kind of wiring that seems to be present, not in all men, but some men, and it leads to this behaviour, and it’s not an impossible problem to solve, but it is certainly difficult.”

De Jager cautions that it would be wrong to ascribe mental illness as a root cause.

“We see examples of domestic violence where there is a sharp disparity in the power dynamics, and very calculated strategic abusive behaviour in both subtle psychological and financial ways and extreme physical ways … some abusive partners manage their behaviour fine in other settings.”

Bieling agrees with that assessment and says all men need to speak out against domestic violence: “These are my people (males) who are the perpetrators … There’s no reason why locker-room talk can’t be corrective for a man, to say, ‘Hey, this is never cool, and here’s an alternative, because it will ruin your life and hers.’”

He is one of two men on the ninemember board of directors at Interval House and whenever he enters the building, an announcement is made that a man is present.

“It means I am potentially a risky presence. It fills me with shame every time. I want to talk to my brothers and say: ‘Stop it … Be a gentleman, don’t hit, don’t control and don’t rage. It is not way to get anyone’s needs met.’”

“The men who do this are governed by powerful emotional states that make no rational sense.” PETER BIELING ST. JOSEPH’S HEALTHCARE, INTERVAL HOUSE CHAIR